Has anyone spotted these iPod friendly road signs yet? They've begun to surface near the boarder crossing from California to Mexico. Many signs have been recently updated to accurately reflect the rapidly growing iPod culture in Mexico. It's about time!
[Thanks to Seth Jordan for the tip]
SEATTLE, WA - I really had no intention of launching some big farewell party in honor of the iPhone Savior and our twisted staff.
I didn't think it was necessary to try and "pull something out of my
ass" for everyone in the eleventh hour in order to herald our departure. Well, I
changed my mind and decided I would, literally.
Unfortunately friends and faithful readers who attended our V.I.P. black tie event this past weekend didn't get the joke. It figures, since plenty of the jokes hoisted up on 'The Savior' were met with a similar reaction since we began. Come on people, it's satire! Oh well... at least I have a great photo to remember that night forever. In hind sight, I probably should have waited until closer to the end of the party for my grand finale. Sucks for them. I have no regrets.
Peace out!
The iPhone Savior
July 3, 2007 to April 1, 2008
Special Report by Earl Sorel 
Since the launch of Apple's revolutionary iPhone on June 29, 2007 many early adopters have
enjoyed elite status that for the most part has served to elevate their
social status and personal cool factor. Anyone holding one of those
boring conventional cell phones was silently judged and labled a loser
in comparison to the iPhoner who was dressed for success with the most
sought after accessory capable of complementing any wardrobe. But that's so 2007!
Continue reading "iPhone 2.0 Will Create Fresh Crop of Losers" »
Throngs of shaved apes with opposing thumbs have been pounding their keyboards wanting to be the first to accurately predict the second coming of iPhone. Fortune Magazine has opted to lead the ape parade in the past few days as Apple followers are growing restless looking for a miraculous sign of their beloved Jesus Phone appearing in the clouds. Today it turned out to be a Cessna 172 Skyhawk instead.
"Apple appears to be targetting a June introduction of the 3G version of the phone, roughly a year after the original iPhone's debut. And similar to last year, Apple seems to be scheduling a limited initial supply to be followed by more phones in the fall quarter." Scott Moritz reports for Fortune.
3G iPhones will be falling out of the trees this summer like ripened bananas dropping into the hands of angry Cubans who can't afford a real cell phone no matter what Raul tells them. The initial order calls for 11 million iPhones to be built this year according to the great shaved one. Taiwan's Hon Hai Precision Industry Co. has secured the exclusive contract to assemble iPhone 2.0 which has left the Hon Hai factory girls jumping for joy while they beat each other with the ugly stick. Look for the next generation iPhone's triumphant return to be witnessed by millions in May according to the chest pounding of Sinead Carew and Scott Hillis in a report for Reuters. May? Holy shit! Peace be with you my grunting, hairless brothers.
Special Report by Fay Stoker
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - It was bound to happen eventually, a bar that shamelessly caters to the elite Apple faithful, where sophisticated Mac users can gather under one roof for a free wi-fi connection and ultra-swanky cocktails. Plans to bring the first Genius Bar cocktail lounge to the Bay Area are under way, spearheaded by a group of restaurateurs convinced that the Apple culture is a certified lifestyle. At this Genius Bar orders will be focused on hard liquor rather than hard drives. Your resident Genius will come in the form of a certified mixologist skilled at turning out an Appletini which is sure to become a Genius Bar favorite.
"We know that Mac and iPhone fanatics are a community of savvy users, we believe creating a unique space to relax and tip back a fee beers with other Mac geeks is perfectly timed," said Chad Garrett Vice President of Design for the Walker Group. "The Genius Bar cocktail lounge will be the first of it's kind so we're excited about the franchise possibilities. I'm certain if we build it they will come."
Continue reading "Are Mac Heads Ready For The Genius Bar Lounge?" »
Steven Blum, author of the wildly popular blog "Oh My God Seattle" viciously outed the Seattle Apple store in his post entitled, "The Apple Store at University Village Is So Gay". Blum wasn't fingering the pop culture version of 'gay' used to describe something stupid or unfortunate either.
According to Blum, who calls himself a gay white Jewish male, "The University Village Apple Store is the best place to meet gay people in all of Seattle." That's a hard one to swallow if you've ever been to Purr Cocktail Lounge in the Capitol Hill area of Seattle on a Friday night. It's located near the corner of 11th and bathhouse flush with dude-on-dude cruising and five guys for every guy in a sea of hair gel. Don't ask me why I know that.
Blum described the Seattle Apple store saying; "The salesmen are gay, the customers are gay and the advertising on the wall is gay. The store might as well just put a gigantic upside down pink triangle under it's Apple logo." I visited that Seattle location after performing a serious calibration on my gaydar device but I could not confirm Blum's assertions. It's clear since Apple did away with their rainbow logo they've distanced their brand from any hint of gay pride. After reading the rest of his rant it became as obvious as leather hot pants that Mr. Blum has a stylish flair for the dramatic. It's possible that I may have stumbled upon an Apple basher in denial who needs a coming out party. Read his post and come out with your own conclusion [link]. If you're gay, go there. NOW.
by Ian Fawling [Steven Blum's Big Rebuttal] [Apple is so Gay]
With the confirmation of a Transformers 2 sequel, ExstreamMac has inked a deal to create a special edition iPhone hard case that will be released in tandem with a short run, special edition, numbered series of bendable Transformers action figures. Both items will be sold only as a set, released sometime this summer close to the launch of iPhone 2 scheduled for the end of June. This makes sense since June 29th marks the one year anniversary of the original iPhone launch.
"We are so excited to pair our Extsream iPhone hard case with Transformers 2," said Neil Harden Director of Marketing for ExtsreamMac, "Even though Transformers 2 will not reach theaters until June of 2009, it's never to early to start the hype. We expect to sell out in a matter of hours."
Harden was unable to confirm the production quantity of action figures or what price point would be set at retail. Though he did disclose that each iPhone hard case would be fully waterproof, stomp resistant and could potentially deflect a small caliber bullet fired at long range. A feature that many rap artists have requested of case makers since the launch of iPhone. The case will contain a removable money clip and be offered in blood red, jetta black and nearly clear.
According to Harden, this unique offer will be impossible for hard core Transformer nerds to resist. Though he did admit some might be able to resist, buts it's highly unlikely. "These fans are totally predicable," said Harden, "That's why Paramount is doing a sequel."
Special Report by Fay Stoker
NEW YORK, NY - Hundreds of people are flocking to Apple store locations to bask in
the inspirational glow of the Apple logo in an attempt to spark
creativity. A report that will appear in the Journal of Consumer Research
next month suggests that the Steve jobs inspired, Reality Distortion
Field may be grounded in truth. The study proves that gazing upon the
Apple logo is enough to motivate people to be more creative. Apple
wasted no time changing the signs above their Chelsea store to herald
the reports findings. (above)
According to store staff, many are taking the study literally by standing outside
Apple store locations staring at the large glowing Apple logo. It's a
phenomenon closely associated with those that travel to worship at the
statue of the Virgin Mary
hoping to receive healing as a result of the statue miraculously
producing tears. Some Apple faithful are indeed claiming a surge in
personal creativity while waiting in the queue set up outside a number of Apple stores put in place by staff to handle the large crowds containing
equal parts curious and true believers. (Milton Keynes queue below)
Continue reading "Hundreds Migrate Towards Glow of Apple Logo For Creative Inspiration" »
Special Report by Wade Spumen
iPhone... the final frontier. According to sources working close to Star Trek (2009), a slickly modified flip version of iPhone is being used as the new communicator for the young crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Sources have promised drawings detailing features the enhanced IPhone communicator would contain. Video chat was mentioned along with a lifeform detector and hints that the device may also be able to transport crew members. The latter sounds far fetched since transporting at will would allow characters to return to the ship at the first sign of trouble. This would abruptly end a potential storyline plus allow those miscellaneous b-actor crew members to live for no valid reason. Not gonna happen. It's imperative they die within the first ten minutes of the story in some mysterious mishap.
We're making efforts to confirm communications supposedly coming from on location in Iceland. It makes sense that Apple's wildly popular
iPhone which is clearly a quantum leap beyond other smartphones would
be the favored device for Star Trek's futuristic final frontier. That's
my way of wishing it into reality. This project is categorized as being
in production including cast members Winona Ryder, Ben Cross, John Cho
and Leonard Nimoy among others. More to follow.
[view Star Trek Trailer] [view Goofy Fan-Made Trailer] [Leaked Film]
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In what appears to be a gargantuan effort to one-up the cult of iPhone faithful, the Mission Bay Community Church is featuring a virtual Jesus presented as a Nintendo Mii character to promote their Easter service. The church is taking the Buddy Christ concept to a whole new level. We have the Jesus phone and now they've created the Jesus Mii. Touché! Many Nintendo Wii followers have heralded the church's radical "My own personal Jesus" campaign (or Miisus) as ground breaking in an attempt to think different. A philosophy that many Mac heads are all too familiar with.
"Wii totally rules and Jesus totally rules, I get it," said Bay area resident Louis Cypher, "I'm making my own Jesus Mii so I can take him Wii bowling and play Wii tennis with him on Sunday. My friends are gonna freak when they see Jesus running around on my screen. I dare them to try and beat the Jesus out of me on Wii boxing. It's not gonna happen!"
Continue reading "Bay Area Church Creates Mii Jesus To Promote Easter Sunday Service" »
Apple has just announced the Charlie Rose Apple Care protection plan for MacBook Air. A device built around Thinnovation deserves a unique level of protection against potholes, lunges and good old fashioned headlong falls. You never know if your next tumble will be the last one for your ultra-thin MacBook Air.
You don't have to be an accident prone TV talk show host to enjoy the kind of protection that celebrities require. The Charlie Rose Apple Care protection plan sells for $199 offering three years of bafoon proof coverage for your MacBook Air. Don't wait until your lying face down on the pavement to get the kind of lifestyle protection you need. Right Charlie?
[via Joy of Tech] [Art by Nitrozac and Snaggy] [the real story]
When Ryan Seacrest randomly pulled an iPhone from an audience members hand on Tuesday night's American Idol broadcast it was obviously a staged promo. Seacrest demonstrated how easy it is to visit the "Idol" website, vote for a contestant or even download content directly to the device. He failed to show us all how to snap a picture of the doofus holding the iPhone to use as a screen saver. It was a certified moment of horror for any card carrying member from the cult of iPhone that may have been watching.
Ryan Seacrest sucked the swagger out of the iPhone quicker than David Archuleta managed to chew and spew "The Long And Winding Road" on live television like a seasoned bulimic. Much like Seacrest did with his "Look at me I'm an ass clown with an iPhone" plug, Archuleta mangled The Beatles music beyond recognition. Though I must admit that Amanda Overmyer took a close second with her train wreck version of "Back In The U.S.S.R." which sounded like she was desperately trying to hark up a fur ball the entire song. It made me freakin' nauseous.
To think that Paul McCartney just forked over $50 million to that "Dancing with a gold digger" chick and then had to endure this travesty of a mockery of two shams. I only wish that Heather Mills was in the Idol audience so Simon Cowell could have tore off her good leg to use as a club on those relentless Beatles hackers right after he beat her with it. It would have been American Idol meets Jerry Springer with a twist of Braveheart thrown in. Now there's a reality TV show that might actually get me voting from my iPhone.
by Ian Fawling [watch video after the jump]
Continue reading "Seacrest Sucks The Cool Out of iPhone on Idol" »
The iPhone is a miracle of modern technology and now you can finally serve up a breakfast to match. Turn your boring breakfast into a miracle of Biblical proportion by embossing the image of the Virgin Mary on your white bread. Then toast it broseph! You'll have even the most skeptical non-believers converted into a committed cult of iPhone follower after serving them your miracle toast.
Prove to everyone beyond a shadow of a doubt the divine power and superiority your iPhone grants you at the start of each new day. Now you can become 'holier than Jobs' for only $4.95. Your guests will have trouble deciding weather to butter it or build a shrine. Refuse to get toasted again without your very own 'Holy Toast' bread stamper and give profound new meaning to your Wonder Bread.
[via Archie McPhee] [Tic-Tac-Toast and Pirate Toast]
NEW YORK, NY - The shocking sex scandal in NYC this past week has revealed to thousands of Americans that the highest paid position in the Governors office was definitely under Eliot Spitzer. We received dozens of emails asking if the "Will work for iPhone" photo (top left) was indeed the infamous call girl, Ashley Alexandra Dupre attempting to create a little tongue-in-cheek humor out her sudden unfortunate celebrity.
We were unable to confirm if the girl in the photo spotted just outside Manhattan was Miss Ashley Dupre without proper DNA testing. We have opted to let our readers form their own conclusions. It appears this might be a perfectly timed spoof launched by the Cult of iPhone faithful. Or is it?
[more Ashley Dupre photos] [thanks to Jay D. for the tip]
SPOKANE, WA - News that Apple is not accepting just anyone willing to pay $99 into the iPhone Developer Program is sending huge ripples through the cult of iPhone. According to reports, developer rejection letters started to arrive from Apple via email in-boxes around the country today. Entire corporations were rejected along with individuals like Cliff Stohler who was convinced he would emerge from his Spokane living room holding the next big iPhone app. Stohler will be happy to know that thousands of other hairy backed, mullet wearing wannabe iPhone developers like him were also rejected. Some turned out to be women.
These rejections are not for the general iPhone SDK download program but for the paid $99 iPhone Developer Program set aside for only the elite developers gaining Apple's love and acceptance. The program allows access to pre-release iPhone software; technical support; the ability to get code onto iPhones for testing; and distribution of applications via the new App Store. Many hopeful like Stohler have hit a tragic dead end on the iPhone SDK Roadmap. Their trip ends here.
We wish Cliff Stohler luck in the future even though we are fully convinced he'll never be approved to produce doodly-squat for the iPhone. Call it a hunch. Email cstohler@hotmail.com if you would like to donate to his wardrobe fund.
[entire story via TUAW] [The Fail Blog]
BOSTON, MA - Pictured above are two fresh converts leaving the Boston Apple store seen holding their brand new Macbook Pros. Do you remember when you had that same look of self-assurance, bliss and genuine superiority after joining the Apple cult? That Macishly smug look that says, hey world I just bought true innovation and you're all whores. Not the $4,300 dollar a night Eliot Spitzer variety whore but more like those $50 hand-job whores with bad teeth.
Remember when you had no problem plunking down a few grand because you believed that your new Mac would alter your entire world and gain you the kind of attention from hotties you knew you deserved? Me too, I remember it all like it was yesterday. I love the hope and innocence I see in their eyes on this day that they have been truly reborn. The Cult of Mac is alive and well in Boston and church is in session for these two recently baptized Apple newbies. Welcome home my friends.
[photo by SimonDee]
Fred and Sharon are convinced that a video movie could improve your life, so they created a brilliant YouTube promo showing examples of who needs a movie. So why can't a video movie improve the life of Windows Vista?
I emailed their video to Steve Ballmer at Microsoft to sell him on the idea of using Fred and Sharon to produce a movie on the ultimate benefits of upgrading to Vista. If anyone can turn the negative Vista image around, it's Fred and Sharon. These two are the Sonny and Cher of advertising. They know how to "sell it faster or for more money" which totally lines up with the Microsoft philosophy.
I hope Ballmer runs with my idea because he knows better than anyone else how popular a well produced YouTube video can make you. Vista needs a movie! I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
The photo on the left is is a GameBoy that amazingly survived a
barracks bombing during the first Gulf War 1990 -1991. As evidenced by
the photo, this GameBoy still works and currently resides at the
Nintendo World Store in NYC. Tetris nerds make a special pilgrimage to
visit the miracle device once a year.
The photo on the right is an original Zune, but despite it bombing many times over it also survived. Unlike the Gameboy the fact that it's still not dead after bombing, fails to inspire anyone with awe. In fact, many would love to see the wannabe iPod bombed just for sport. It currently resides in the hands of flesh eating Zune zombies nationwide who dream that one day their polished turd will rule the planet. Keep dreaming. One of these things are not like the other.
[via Geekologie] [bombed GameBoy video]
Since the launch of iPhone, the wildly popular iPhone Savior blog has
served faithfully as your own personal Jesus Phone news and satire site
committed to reporting the humorous side of Apple obsession. That's
exactly why the staff here at the Savior are feeling a bit distressed after hearing the news late last night that our editor in chief and
founder of iPhone Savior is planning to retire the site. The Savior has
been a huge labor of love for each of us since it's launch. Make no mistake, the iPhone Savior is officially quitting the cult.
The reasons sited were personal ones that I'm not at liberty to post at present. We've been told that the iPhone Savior website along with all of it's archives will remain in tact indefinitely, but no new work will be posted beyond April 1st. Our staff agreed that we were not going to do a disappearing act and wanted to offer our large community of readers a bit of notice. We have all been extremely privileged to experience such huge success in the short period of time we had. Our faithful readers can be credited for that success along with the quality websites who chose to feature our work. We have the greatest respect for your unfailing commitment to twisted journalism.
On behalf of our staff, Wade Spumen, Doris Flatley, Fay Stoker and myself, thank you for your continued support and committed readership as we wind down our final days of delusional glory. Your support gave us a unique opportunity to be seen and heard. You have our heartfelt appreciation.
Sincere Thanks and Appreciation to: MacSurfer, ifo Apple Store, Gizmodo, Engadget, The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs, CrunchGear, Guy Kawasaki's AllTop, Cellphone Forums, MacRumors, The SFist and the popular Mac worship site I Drank The Kool-Aid.
Ian Fawling - Assistant Editor
According to Billboard Magazine Apple Inc. has flatly denied the rumors of a Beatles deal for iTunes as being "unsubstantiated speculation" contrary to recent reports. The big wet blanket thrown over The Beatles deal was perfectly timed since true rock music aficionados only want to talk about one thing anyhow, AC/DC coming to iTunes.
What's the deal with Apple and the bad boys down under? What's the hold up? Has anyone heard the AC/DC Tribute album disgracing the pages of iTunes? You'll find twelve perfectly ugly versions of AC/DC songs that you'll wish you never heard. A water boarding torture session would seem like a vacation in comparison. Enter at your own risk and then flip Apple an email screaming in CAPS for Australia's finest.
Come on Apple, stand up and be counted for what you're about to receive. For those about to rock, we salute you! Oooh, ooooh yeah!
[via MacNN]
The new Apple store at The Victoria Center in Belfast, Ireland is
all about grandiose magnificence. The spiral staircase leading to the
store was reminiscent of Jack and the Beanstalk when looking up at it
from ground level. The odd shape of the top floor was a bit confusing
until you reach the landing and then it all makes sense. There's so
much more square footage than I had expected that high up. Photographs were not
allowed from inside the store but I was able to snap a few shots from
atop a nearby construction lift as people entered via the glass
staircase.
Continue reading "Belfast Apple Store Evokes Memories of Jack and The Beanstalk " »
In a post entitled "Gone, Because I'm A Tool", Steven Levy laments his missing MacBook Air. Ha Ha! Anytime a certified noob pulls a huge bonehead move like losing his own Macbook Air, the next thing he searches for is solace inside a community of other noobs like himself so they can properly whine together. In this case he might be all alone. It seems easier for Levy to place blame on his Macbook Airs lightness of being rather than spending quality time in front of the mirror admiring his new ass hat. Levy even entertains the possibility that his wife threw out his Air with a stack of coffee table magazines and newspapers all due to it's thinnovation. When in doubt, yank off your ass hat and blame the old lady. Nice!
"There will be a lot of desperate searches for lost MacBook Airs. When something is thin enough to fit into an envelope, wouldn't it
make sense that one could lose track of such a thing? Even if it is a
computer? As humiliating as it sounds, let me repeat: the MacBook Air is so thin that it got tossed out with the newspapers." Source: Steven Levy - Newsweek
'The Technologist' goes on to state that Newsweek will pony up the $1,800 dollars for his lapse of consciousness and warns other Air owners to beware. The fate of so many socks may linger in your ultra-thin future. Until further notice Mr. Levy should consider himself the sole member of the MacBook Air-heads Club. Matter-of-fact, I respectfully nominate him as the clubs president and founder. Though I would not anticipate new members anytime soon if I were him.
[read "Gone, Without A Trace"] [MacBook Airhead paid to flee Newsweek ]
LONDON, England - It's a done deal! According to an official report by United Press International, Sir Paul McCartney has signed a $400 million agreement with iTunes for the distribution of The Beatles' back catalog. Finally, we'll all have a chance to download The Fab Four from iTunes, a subject of many headlines that have only resulted in empty promises until now. It's an EMI deal that should produce high quality Beatles MP3's without the pesky DRM. Let's hope that's the case. A firm date from Apple announcing The Beatles iTunes debut is pending.
How does this deal effect Paul's gold digging ex-wife Heather Mills? The Daily Mail is claiming that this deal
could cause major groin pains for McCartney in his ongoing divorce from Heather Mills, increasing her settlement request to include even more of the singer's newfound fortune that she never earned. Man, that must be a real buzz kill. This might be a good time for Sir Paul to drop Maxwell's silver hammer on the cranium of Miss Mills. He has my vote.
[via Gizmodo and United Press]
MILAN, Italy - Architectural renderings of the Milan, Italy Apple stores have surfaced through one of the many designers connected to the project. Sources allege that the two new stores will be ready by year end with the first to be built along Corso Buenos Aires, an upscale shopping area created for catering to filthy American capitalists. Hundreds of pounds of plastic and metal recycled from old iPods, Earbuds and iMacs will be incorporated into the new spaces. Sounds like a cheeky lean towards green.
It only stands to reason that Apple would embrace a higher level of design sophistication with the city of Milan being an international center for pretentious, brand conscious fashionistas. Sources also hinted at the inclusion of a specially designed area where the iPhone II could be gawked at by trendy Italian gold diggers drinking hand-pulled cups of espresso with a twist of lemon. I can hardly wait!
The updated designs are absolutely breathtaking, conveying an almost surreal zen-like quality, guaranteed to attract wannabe fashion models working as wait staff at nearby restaurants. The Milan store designs are certain to have Apple faithful in the states drooling in Italian. Bravisiomo!
[UPDATE: We Were Hoaxed!] [New Belfast Apple Store]
Everybody loves "The Woz"! Stephan Gary Wozniak is the outspoken computer engineer and infamous co-founder of Apple Computer, engineering the Apple I and Apple II in the mid 1970's. The Woz rose to even greater popularity last year when his image was inducted into Disney's Epcot attraction Spaceship Earth, being favored over Steve Jobs for the leading role depicting Wozniak working on the first Apple computer in a Northern California garage. [link]
We decided to take a closer look at what might be behind the strange Wozniak popularity phenomenon. What makes The Woz so user friendly? The evidence we found points to a kind of doppelgänger (look-alike) effect whereby Woz strongly resembles someone else so closely that it creates an instant feeling of familiarity, safety and likability. Our team of experts painstakingly examined Woz photos stretching back several years until it became obvious that our hunches were correct.
Steve Wozniak is an American icon and a legend in his own right, much like many of the people that he has so closely resembled over the years. The Woz-alike effect is real. What do you think? [photo proof after the jump]
Continue reading "Familiar Faces of 'The Woz' Steve Wozniak" »
