Believers endured long lines outside the Apple flagship store in New York City on Tuesday for their chance to bathe in the new iPhone's holy healing light. Many of the faithful who gathered were not sent away disappointed receiving the healing they came for. Mary Danish from Trenton, New Jersey claimed her irritable bowl syndrome was quieted. "I heard a loud low rumble in my stomach area, followed by a haunting calm" Danish said, "I was so at peace as I felt the irritation flowing right out of my body, I knew then I was healed."
Apple staffers were appalled having to mop up the disgusting mess left on the showroom floor by Miss Danish as a result of her profound healing. Others claimed personal healing of pink eye, gout and turrets syndrome. None of the claims were substantiated. The iPhone encased in it's magical sheath, will tour Italy and Spain next month.
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