Special Report by Ian Fawling
iPhone Savior.com Photo by Wille Chiang
SAN FRANCISCO, California - For John Hymen, September 5th proved to be a huge turning point in his iLife. Celebrating his 35th birthday was no easy task for Hymen who considered ending it all after hearing that the iPhone he recently paid $599 dollars for after camping in line for days outside The Apple Store in San Francisco, had dropped $200 dollars in a matter of minutes. An iPhone price drop already?
"I was totally devastated" Hymen said, forcing back tears "I felt abandoned by Apple and so alone. I felt really angry and betrayed."
Hymen told The iPhone Savior that he seriously considered ending it all after hearing Steve Jobs announce the news on Wednesday, to a roar of applause. "I felt completely hopeless and dead inside until I realized that almost one million others we're feeling like I was at that very moment." said Hymen. That's when John Hymen choose to go on living rather than ending his life with the Apple iPhone. "I was so close to flushing my phone down the toilet right there at work", Hymen said as he chuckled. He realized how futile his impulse was after reading the washroom sign that read, "Do not flush sanitary napkins of any kind", knowing that his iPhone had no chance of making it, serving only to clog the toilet. "I felt like such an ass hat even thinking about flushing my iPhone." expressed Hymen, quickly killing any thought of an instant toilet burial.
John Hymen admits he's a better man today as a result of his tedious misfortune, carrying with him a constant reminder that; "the things you own, end up owning you". Hymen has launched a support group website called "Choose iLife" for other iPhone owners like himself who are seeking hope and healing for living life after the trauma of September 5th.
Hymen celebrated his 35th birthday on Wednesday night, with close friends and family by his side, surprising him with an iPhone cake that will forever leave John Hymen with a bitter sweet memory. Even though that did not prevent him from capturing a photo of the cake on his iPhone. Proving that there may truly be an iLife after death.
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Hymen is a total loser and along with the rest of the iPhone campers. Nice cake!
Posted by: brandon | September 06, 2007 at 12:34 PM