iPhone Savior: Life-Size Cell Phone Brings Kids To Tears

Special Report by Fay Stoker

TULSA, OK - A man dressed in a ridiculous cell phone costume made an unexpected appearance in front of a small crowd gathered outside the Apple store in Tulsa, Oklahoma awaiting the release of the 16GB iPhone this past weekend. What happened next took parents and mister cellular phone guy by surprise, causing quite a different reaction than anyone could have anticipated at the Woodland Hills Mall.

"The younger kids started wailing and tossing a fit when that cell phone character showed up," said Tulsa resident Kinya Barber, "The little ones were freaked out. The harder that cell phone tried to draw attention to himself, the worst it got. Them babies love the iPhone, but they just hated that big ugly phone doodad real bad. He was definitely not a smart phone."

According to Apple store manager Tim Simmons, the cell phone appearance was not a welcomed event. Witnesses indicated that the character wandered over from one of the big cell phone kiosks in the mall when he saw the kids and the crowd. A spontaneous decision that proved to be disastrous for young children who've become familiar with Apple's user friendly iPhone.

"That's the real problem with most of these big cell phone carriers," said Simmons, "They all want a piece of the magic iPhone has brought to the industry, but instead of releasing amazing products they push their outdated hardware on unsuspecting kids. I'd be terrified too if I saw that wide-eyed thing charging towards me with his hands waving. Obsolete technology can be frightening."

Mall security escorted mister cellular phone guy away from the Apple store without any further incident. According to bystanders, parents were able to immediately get their children calmed down once the large ugly cell phone was out of sight. The revolutionary iPhone has raised the bar for the cell phone industry, creating a smartphone and user experience that's second to none. There's no reason why any cell phone encounter should bring a person to tears. Even if they are only four years old. The Tulsa Apple store posted record sales of the 16GB iPhone for the weekend, while store greeters helped entertain a bunch of happy kids by passing out iPhone shaped suckers.

"iPhone: it ain't rocket science, people. Why the hell can't all phones be like this? For that matter, why can't all products of all kinds be like this?" Steve Jobs

Happy iPhone Baby Photo by drcorneilus