PALO ALTO, CA - According to the Palo Alto Daily News, four teens were nearly banned for life from all Apple store locations on planet earth after downloading a third-party racing car game onto an iPhone displayed at Apple's University Avenue store last weekend. It's when they failed to make a stellar getaway that the proper shit storm swung into full effect.
Daniel Fukuba,17 (left) and Eric Vicenti, 16 were two of the four teens hunted down by an Apple store manager only moments into their triumphant escape montage. "We're halfway down the block when the manager comes running out and tells us to 'stop right there,'" Fukuba said. "We thought that it was completely harmless," Vicenti said. Source - Palo Alto Daily News
It must have played out like a scene from Prison Break with slow motion and all, except for the lack of sirens, search lights and bullets whizzing by. The teens reenacted the roles of the sweaty, paranoid convicts who nearly escaped. It was the Apple store manager that allegedly scared the bejeezus out of the boys during a grueling multi-paragraph lecture, telling them that their pictures were being sent to all Apple stores "so they'd be on the lookout for us," Rogers said. Rogers and Patel were the two teens allowed to make a stealthy exit because they were not under age like the two younger Mac nerds who by now were sweating like blind lesbians at a fish market.
The teens later learned through a friend that another manager had indicated they were welcome back at Apple. It turned out that their pictures were not being sent to Apple stores chain wide and there was no banishment for life. It was all a loosely mangled nightmare. Uncle Steve chose to extend much love to the four youts who momentarily lost their way.
I'm confident that the boys learned a harsh life lesson from their ordeal. Don't get caught! Next time run like you stole something once your mission is accomplished and never look back. Where the frack was Teen Wolf when they needed him? This incident will go down in Apple store history as an epic failure of ginormous proportion. It confirms that life is hilariously cruel. Final score; Apple (1) deathly pale Teens (0).
Special Report by Ian Fawling