A bizarre gang of tree hugging line sitters have set up base camp outside the 5th Avenue Apple store in Manhattan one week prior to the official launch of iPhone 3G. The big green squat-down began on July 4th. These fruit loops are not your typical card carrying cult of iPhone followers or some fluky chair monkey like Greg Packer, the original line sitter. The Who Farm five are a freakish group of organic farming enthusiasts on a mission to set a new Guinness World Record for "longest time waiting in line to buy something." They've targeted the launch of iPhone 3G as their 'something'. Oh joy!
This is why New York City can't have public gatherings. It instantly becomes a festival of attention whores and buzz killing brussel sprouts who ruin it for the authentic cult of iPhone followers who's sole mission in life is to worship their iPhone with extreme adoration. Truly obsessed iPhone fanboys versus a gang of green thumb, apple-passing megalomaniacs.
The Who Farm five (fail cult) have posted their manifesto including an open letter to Steve Jobs containing a murky mix of faux iPhone lust, organic farming and New York City hippie love. "Until now, there was never anything we felt excited enough to wait for a ridiculous amount of time. We can't wait for the iPhone 3G." That's just great! Out of all the publicity mongering cults in the United States these farmer nerds with jazz beards had to select our cult as a launching pad to hurl their organic cow pies at the masses. Apparently there's five other pesticide-free eco-warriors waiting in the wings ready to pounce into line at any moment.
Daniel Bowman, the line sitter's leader can be seen and heard in a comical interview by Engadget which only serves to confirm that the mission of The Who Farm five is sketchy at best. Daniel tries to articulate his grand purpose while power-chewing an apple like Bessy the cow, mumbling about some bi-partisan petition being signed by six billion people. Interview Fail!
If that interview was not enough of an embarrassment, The Waiting For Apples website ridiculously claims the adoption of several theme songs for the groups mission starting with Billy Joels, 'The Longest Time'. That's a fresh idea! It's 1984 on the phone you dorks, they want their retarded theme song back. The Who Farmers are about as vital to the future of organic farming as the iMac 5 Cult were to the future of iMacs back in 2001. Who? Exactly.
Here's the deal, the golden rule that governs the cult of iPhone is simple, worship the iPhone. These highly educated greeniacs missed that mission by an entire planet. The Who Farm five (fail cult) may be spending their summer vacation sitting at the front of the iPhone 3G line, but they're making themselves the butt end of a long running tree hugger joke. Fortune featured the five in an Apple 2.0 post that practically enshrined these propagana farmers as cultural icons. Please!
May the true and awe inspiring cult of iPhone followers live long and prosper. With that said, let's bum rush the front of that line with some authentic iPhone faithful already. That would be true headline news that Mac Heads really care about.