CARLSBAD, CA - Eleven year old Jonathan Hemmerdinger accidentally stumbled upon what several bystanders identified as an "Apple.com wormhole", an intra-universe "tunnel" connecting two different points in spacetime that allegedly appeared in plain view near the end of a parking lot in Carlsbad, California. Jonathan managed to nab himself a brand new 16GB iPhone 3G and MacBook Air laptop before exiting the wormhole after being startled by voices he heard inside close to the noon hour.
"It was so cool in there, I felt like Harry Potter traveling into another world," said Jonathan, describing his harrowing wormhole experience. "My parents will kill me if they find out I have an iPhone and MacBook now. They're both total Microsoft zombies, they know how amazing Mac stuff is but they refuse to give up their slow, clunky Windows crap."
A quick-witted security guard immediately contacted scientists to investigate the boys fantastic discovery, but they were later called off when Carlsbad Police intervened, pointing out that the alleged wormhole is a deliberate facade erected by Apple retail to create surprise and delight ahead of its new store openings. Bystanders confirmed that the wormhole sealed itself back up again shortly after the above photo was taken. Further access was impossible.
The boys discovery is being called "a supernatural visitation" by
area migrant workers, though local farmers are convinced it's clearly
the work of El Chupacabra (Goat Sucker),
a vampire-like creature that exists in South American folklore. No
bloodless animal deaths have been reported in the surrounding areas.
"El Chupacabra, he is very smart," said area worker Antonio Rodrigo Sosa, "You think you're getting a beautiful new iPhone in that place and then watch out! All the blood is sucked from your body before you know it. Just like AT&T likes to do. See, I know." Sosa said laughing out loud.
The young Hemmerdinger boy has not been contacted by Apple or asked to return the new Mac merchandise as yet. Jonathan's parents could not be reached for comment. I'm confident that I was given a bogus number. The Carlsbad Apple store Grand Opening happens on August 16th at 10:00 a.m. Attend at your own risk.
[photo by Wolfpaulus]
out of all the mythical, blood sucking creatures out there, the Chupacabra is almost certainly the sneakiest
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