WARSAW - Orange, one of Poland's largest mobile operators is allegedly paying dozens of actors to queue up for Apple's iPhone launch taking place in Poland on August 22nd according to a Reuters report.
"We have these fake queues at the front of 20 stores around the country to drum up interest in the iPhone," a spokesman said.
It appears that Orange has surmised that a large gathering of paid "cult of iPhone zombies" is much better than having no queue at all. That assumption could not be further from the truth. True iPhone worshipers are a committed group of fanatical believers freely going to absurd lengths to take home Apple's revolutionary technology. You can't fake that kind of enthusiasm with some Polish Brad Pitt.
"Acceptable 3G speeds or not, iPhone faithful always buy first and ask the important questions later," said one university student. "We are expert line sitters not actors. That's who we are!"
It disgusts me to know when the queue of failed, hack, wannabe movie stars finally starts moving into the Orange store, they will have to shamelessly fain genuine interest in iPhone 3G just like Americans do at a Microsoft Mojave experiment. Orange will learn the hard way that no method acting could ever replace the authentic glazed over look of an true iPhone fanatic nor fill the cash register with real sales.
Reports indicate that there were no queues at T-Mobile's Era stores, which is also due to launch the iPhone on Friday. Though one bystander insisted T-Mobile was planning to fill their queues with half-nude mannequins wearing branded Orange tee shirts in order to send their competitor a strong message. No one could articulate what that message was.
An Orange store manager promised to grant us a statement by phone but store staff reported he was currently trapped in his car, trying to use a wire hanger to get out.