Special Report by Wade Spuman
Sources close to the new Star Trek film have leaked a photo of the Enterprise crew proudly flaunting their wildly rumored new uniforms according to an email tip received late last night. The uniforms are a hauntingly familiar throw back to vintage Star Trek with a variety of unique emblems. Spock freaks me out a bit looking more like a cast member from "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon". In my opinion James Doohan's ashes make a more convincing Scotty, but who am I to question casting brilliance.
Sources claiming to be within phaser range of the Paramount project,
report that they expect to see release of the first theatrical trailer
which has already been cut awaiting special effects and more predicable
sound bites from US moon landing mssions.
Until now Paramount has only unveiled a bleak Star Trek teaser revealing shots of the U.S.S. Enterprise being constructed by sweaty Sears catalog models wearing futuristic welding goggles. Fail! An exhausted sounding Spock (Leonard Nimoy) can be heard in the voice over barely completing a sentence while gargling phlegm. We were told the welders are killed off seconds into the new trailer which is typical treatment for Star Trek's 'B level' actors having five lines or less. Hopes remain high that the real trailer will make it's debut sometime in 2008 according to sources. I was able to confirm the trailer claim. [here]
The fabled MacBook Touch recently speculated on by several major tech websites, is rumored to be making a cameo appearance in the new Star Trek film. Apple's latest revolutionary touch device can supposedly be spotted being man handled by crew members in live action shots from the film itself, according to one source who spoke to us by phone with an overpowering lisp, making it very difficult to understand a single word he said.
Apparently Paramount has already finished their first cut of the film which was screened for executives who called it "a hit" after realizing William Shatner would not be appearing in the film. Several sources even closer to the project than first believed, remained tight lipped about the inclusion of a new Apple touch device on the bridge of the Enterprise. I probed further with the same MacBook touch questions, speaking in the Klingon language, but sources didn't fall for my clever ploy.
"I've seen every Star Trek episode and film ever made," said Dern
Kert, a Gene Roddenberry aficionado, "It wouldn't be the first time an
Apple product appeared in a Trek film, I'm willing to bet my mint condition Captain Pike costume on it." [video]
Earlier this year rumors flooded Trekkie websites with plausible claims of the iPhone being featured as the films new communicator device. Those rumors, debunked by TrekMovie.com
turned out to be little more than fantasy which was a huge
disappointment for thousands of Trekkies and Apple fanatics alike who
live for the glory and satisfaction that comes with clever product
placement inside blockbuster films. Though hopes have been revived for fans
with the recent MacBook Touch rumor. Star Trek is currently scheduled
for release on May 8, 2009 unless other reports confirm our facts are somehow
way off.
If these rumors are as authentic as I believe they are, true Star Trek fanatics everywhere should set their phasers on stun, because the future begins now or tomorrow for those that have already gone to bed.
[Watch sweaty welders trailer] [Trek photo by scragz] [More Cast Photos]
I find this photo thunderously appalling and a stain on the integrity of Star Trek. With that said, Apple rules and I would love to see that Captain Pike outfit.
Posted by: JJ | August 05, 2008 at 12:16 PM