SEATTLE, WA - As various reports about AT&T's launch of MMS for iPhone came pouring in from across the fifty states, we chose to focus our attention on the often overlooked community of iPhone Zombies living on the fringe of a rapidly spawning flesh eating iPhone sub-culture. With the exception of an occasional friendly flash mob showing up in cities like New York and San Francisco, most career undead are rarely spotted in the daytime hours.
We reached out to a true American zombie organization calling themselves "Red, White and Zombie". The group's Managing Director, Doug Graves, waxed on about the fervor of excitement taking place in his own undead community surrounding the launch of AT&T's Multimedia Messaging Service for iPhone on Friday. The long overdue option of sending photos and video clips via text message has finally been enabled for anxious iPhone users in the U.S. Although some iPhone faithful are striking back at Apple and AT&T with class action lawsuits because of the delay in delivering MMS, zombies across America are celebrating in massive numbers.
"When I gore the living and manage to pop out their eyeballs like a couple of Skittles, I wanna brag about it," Doug Graves said, "Now when I feast on someone's brain my entire contact list will have photo proof before the body even stops wiggling."
I was shocked to learn that such a large following of flesh eating iPhone zombies actually existed in the Seattle area. In fact, Graves alluded to millions of undisclosed iPhone Zombies joining in Friday's celebration over AT&T's epic MMS launch. Evidenced by thousands of messages confirmed by the wireless carrier, as flesh eaters throughout zombieland made a meaningful connection through exchanging disturbing photo images.
"MMS will finally allow me to text my juicy brain gulping videos and sexy decay photos instantly from my iPhone," Graves said candidly.
"An advanced state of decay is a Zombie's calling card man. We all snicker at these young undead kids who've just turned. Let's face it, a few skin peels and some open head wounds don't make you a Zombie pinup girl (below) like my Rosie. A decent motorcycle crash on pavement can get that look for just about anyone."
While we may never hear the true confessions of many iPhone zombies who choose to remain in obscurity, it's obvious that their enthusiasm for the coming of MMS is alive and well in America. Even if they can't all be a hot zombie pin-up girl in advanced decay.
Personally, I hate zombies. If you're ever confronted by one, always remember to aim for their heads.
Photo by Myzombiepinup.com Zombie iPhone photo by Rrazor
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