If you've been a longtime faithful Apple follower your vision of the company's retail store is about to be reborn. Following a one day shut down in mid January, a handful of older Apple stores will officially reopen as The Church of Apple, according to a detailed Scoopertino news report.
“It’s a natural evolution,” explains CEO Tim Cook. “We’ve given our customers a place to shop. What they really want is a place to worship.”
The new concept stores which feature an epic stained glass of Steve Jobs at the entrance, are certain to cause those who religiously use Apple's products to think totally different. The initial test location in North Carolina has proved to be a bigger success than the company first imagined.
One of the more clever services included in the concept store is the addition of a Miracle Bar, where Apple Angels (formerly Geniuses) offer customers personal care — through end-of-life counseling — designed to help followers let go of aging Apple products that are ready to pass on. Angels have undergone extensive sensitivity training in order to assist customers with new purchases to aide in their grieving process.
Cupertino-trained clergy will be on hand to perform daily worship services and will be encouraged to scroll along with the sermon on iPads featuring Apple’s newest app, The iBook of Jobs.
"In the beginning, Jobs created Apple and Apple II. And they were without GUI." the text reads in the book's opening page.
The company is still in the process of testing a tasteful Steve Jobs shrine that would reside at the back of each Church of Apple store. While the idea seems like a no-brainer, the company wants to be sensitive to some followers who may interpret the shrine as overkill.
[spoof via Scoopertino]
This is just a joke! Someone is just trying to mock Apple and Steve Jobs, and you all guys are falling for it! Unbelievable!!
Posted by: Sitara | January 05, 2012 at 09:27 PM
Wow! Now let's do one as a mosque - and see how long before it's blown to oblivion!
Posted by: Eho1239 | January 05, 2012 at 07:05 AM
Yes Scott... Apple as a religion. Who ever saw that coming? Thanks for chiming in.
Satire - the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
Posted by: Ray Basile - The iPhone Savior | January 04, 2012 at 10:20 PM
Wow! I wonder what Steve Jobs would think about this? By the way, didn't he practice Buddism? So doesn't this in some way mock him - turning the Apple store into a Catholic Cathedral? Why the heck are they trying to fix something that isn't broke anyway - the Apple store is perfectly fine the way it is leave it alone - the store itself does not sell the product - it's the products in the store that we are interested in!
Posted by: Slick | January 04, 2012 at 10:05 PM
Apple is a religion? Gee, what a novel bit of satire! Where on earth did you come up with that unique bit of inspiration?
Posted by: Scott | January 04, 2012 at 09:25 PM
You DO realize this is fake; right. "Scoopertino"? Hello??
Posted by: ActuallyRLM | January 04, 2012 at 08:46 PM
Wtf... Seriously???? Remember the indestructible Titanic that not even God could sink???? Well... U know the story....
Posted by: Marcial | January 04, 2012 at 08:01 PM
That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of. I am a big apple follower but this is taking it a little to far. Yes Steve jobs was a genius and probably one of the best marketing person to ever live but a God he was not.
Posted by: Kyle | January 04, 2012 at 07:00 PM
This is an embarrassment!!!!! Are you even kidding. It's in God we trust not Steve Jobs. Unbelievable
Posted by: Mike Hess | January 04, 2012 at 06:21 PM