iPhone Savior

Awesome iPhone Parody Video Spawns Motorhead Meets Creed Nightmare

I vomited in my mouth just minutes into the "Awesome iPhone" video when a howling butt rocker wearing a standard issue prison mustache shoved his iPhone against the wall, stroked it and then started tongue tickling it wildly until the Apps overloaded (at 1:51). I've never witnessed such a gargantuan level of gratuitous iPhone love expressed through bad heavy metal (and liked it). I thought someone mistakingly sent me an audition video for the new talent show "America Loves Gay Metal". Kill me now!

If Lemmy from Motorhead and Scott Stapp from Creed genetically birthed an evil spawn child, the result would definitely be this guy. If you have the stomach for minor male dude-ity, chest hair, iPhone licking, and random explosions, then this video is your holy grail. Thanks to Adam for sending an email bomb that made me want to be hosed down by a friggin hazmat team afterwards.

Did I mention it's also hillarious? Rock on broseph!    (video after the jump)

[via Heinous Records via  wickedceltics.com] 

Melon Heads In Brazil Claim iPhone 3G Unlock

SAO PAULO, BRAZIL - A random Brazilian company is claiming to be the first group of international tech nerds to unlock Apple's iPhone 3G, allowing iPhone users to connect to any carrier while wearing summer fruit hats. DesbloqueioBr, allegedly hacked the phone by altering its firmware with a special card add-on to the SIM chip as reported by The Sydney Morning Herald.

The melon men also revealed that there are some problems with the Brazilian fix. Breno MacMasi, one of the company's partners with Mac in his sir name, admitted that the quality of the connection for the iPhone can vary. Vary? Meaning from crap to crappier? That's no friggin good!

Hey everybody! We've come up with a sketchy way to unlock iPhone 3G and plan on charging the world between 250 and 375 dollars for our genius. Except the connection part of making calls sucks. Proud Brazilians owning half gimped, unlocked, fail phones have made one simple request of envious critics... Don't hate, Appreciate!

"Apple has made some big mistakes, so it's certain that we will be able to come up with another hack. It's going to be a game of cat-and-mouse," MacMasi said. If you're wondering who's the cat and who's the mouse in MacMasi's little mistake game, put some stinky cheese outside your door and then wait for the melon heads to show up. Cat's hate stinky cheese.

[via Sydney Morning Herald]    [iPhone 3G Jailbroken]

iPhone 3G Launch Day Wasn't Ruined For Thousands of Obsessed Canadians

TORONTO, CANADA - Cult of iPhone faithful in Toronto braved soggy weather with crowds camping out for over 16 hours in damp socks to gain access to Apple's iPhone 3G, currently the hottest cell phone on planet earth. The Ruined iPhone controversy did not detour thousands of pub loving Canadians from lining up like grade schoolers to be the first to extend a wealthy handshake to Rogers. Each one willing to sign up for a three year prison sentence by agreeing to pay excessive monthly data and service rates in exchange for that guaranteed cool factor only iPhone can offer. For this kind of blind obsession, Rogers was happy to roll out the red carpet.

Castro Anticipates Owning First iPhone In Cuba

HAVANA, CUBA - Retired Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro was reported to be exceptionally perky today after Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez presented him with a bigger than life poster of Apple's new iPhone 3G as down payment for the real thing. Chavez supposedly pledged his personal commitment to Fidel that he would return with an authentic iPhone 3G when the wildly popular device launches worldwide on July 11th. According to sources, Chavez would not detail which carrier he intends to persuade in order to gain 3G service in Cuba.

Insiders close to Castro have indicated that Cuba's infamous dictator has secretly lusted after Apple's revolutionary device since President Raul Castro's government authorized Cubans to obtain cellular telephones. Some have speculated that Fidel heavily influenced Raul's decision. The idea of internet in his pocket has brought tremendous pleasure to Fidel who's become anxious to be the first cult of iPhone member in Cuba, according to brother Raul. Serious health issues have prevented the move until now.

Viva la iPhone Revolucion!

Photos of First iPhone 3G Shipments At AT&T

The first iPhone 3G shipments have surfaced in photos from an AT&T store mole. Our own tipster working deep cover at AT&T offered a confident 'wink wink' today when asked about the potential of selling out of iPhone 3G on Friday. The tipster (known as Mr. blue shirt ) confirmed that additional shipments will arrive at stores on Friday afternoon in order to replenish stock to sell on Saturday. Great news for anyone who misses out on salvation day.

We could not confirm specific hints that initial iPhone 3G stock for stores on July 11th are being numbered at 80 units. That chatter came from a misc gaggle of blue shirts gathering at the back of the AT&T store. Quantities for each location are based on sales volume and 2007 same store sales of the original iPhone.

iPhones were off-loaded from boxes of ten and placed into a locked cabinet. The photos reveal a first look at the 16GB 'White Boy' iPhone packaging, displayed proudly inside an all white box. Many cult of iPhone faithful have waited with great anticipation for the return of ol' whitey, but few expected an all white box. Bam! He's heeeeeeere!

[more photos by Shareatt1]

Line Sitters Arrive To Claim First iPhone In Asia

TOKYO, JAPAN - Hiroyuki Sano will go down in history as the first person in Asia to wrap his man hands around Apple's iPhone 3G at the Softbank flagship store in Tokyo. The 15 other line sitters waiting along with him will be immediately forgotten as always being the bridesmaid, never the bride. Fail!

Sano traveled 230 miles from his hometown in Nagoya to capture the Holy Grail of cell phones, ascribing to the cope or die credo as he plans to battle boredom and sunburn for his 52 hour epic stand still. Softbank is the exclusive carrier of iPhone 3G, which will become available at 7 A.M. on July 11th in Japan. Hiroyuki Sano will soon become the exclusive charter member of the cult of iPhone in Asia. Nerdish red glasses or not, that's friggin legend man! Legend.

[via CrunchGear]   [Hiroyuki Sano pictured left via CrunchGear]

Top 5 Things New AT&T Customers Should Know Before Buying iPhone 3G

The best way to avoid embarrassing public counter-rage when it's finally your turn to purchase iPhone 3G is to prepare like a trained ninja. Weather you wait in long sweaty lines on July 11th or choose to hold off until the insanity dies down sometime in September, you will need to be armed with the facts. Here are the iPhone Savior's Top 5 things new customers should know before showing up at AT&T to purchase your  iPhone 3G.

1  iPhone 3G goes on sale at 8 A.M. with a one per person limit imposed on all customers during the initial launch to ensure everybody gets a fair chance to own pure genius. No Cash will be accepted. Your purchase will require the use of a debit or credit card. In-store activation is mandatory.

2  A basic credit check will be required along with a photo ID and Social Security number. To save time, AT&T suggests visiting the store where you will purchase iPhone 3G, prior to July 11, for a pre-qualifying credit check. Expect to pay a deposit if your personal credit sucks or you have no credit history.

The Who Farm Five Squat At 5th Avenue Apple Store To Start iPhone 3G Line

A bizarre gang of tree hugging line sitters have set up base camp outside the 5th Avenue Apple store in Manhattan one week prior to the official launch of iPhone 3G. The big green squat-down began on July 4th. These fruit loops are not your typical card carrying cult of iPhone followers or some fluky chair monkey like Greg Packer, the original line sitter. The Who Farm five are a freakish group of organic farming enthusiasts on a mission to set a new Guinness World Record for "longest time waiting in line to buy something." They've targeted the launch of iPhone 3G as their 'something'. Oh joy!

This is why New York City can't have public gatherings. It instantly becomes a festival of attention whores and buzz killing brussel sprouts who ruin it for the authentic cult of iPhone followers who's sole mission in life is to worship their iPhone with extreme adoration. Truly obsessed iPhone fanboys versus a gang of green thumb, apple-passing megalomaniacs.

Will You Choose The Apple Store or AT&T When You Buy Your iPhone 3G?

With the imminent launch of iPhone 3G, the biggest religious holiday of the year for true believers, your only dilemma now will be choosing the destination to make you're life altering purchase. Choosing Black or White, 8GB or 16 GB is the easy part. Will it be the Apple store or AT&T? Many cult of iPhone followers we spoke to are convinced the Apple store is the only place to go without question.

"AT&T stores blow!" said Derrick Hoim of West Seattle, "Those no necks that work there act like spider monkeys on crack the minute you walk in the door. Screw that! I'm going with Apple, fo show." AT&T has indicated; "There will be no limiting difference between the two stores, except one thing. If you are a business or enterprise customer, then you should buy your iPhone from AT&T." According to a report by Gizmodo.

iPhone With Slide-Out Keyboard Could Mean Serious Business For Apple

Rumors are circulating that around this time next year Apple will deliver an iPhone with slide-out keyboard specifically aimed at satisfying hoards of corporate buyers addicted to their beloved Crackberries. It's not speculation according to a post by the wildly popular Guy Kewney, writing for The Register UK claiming that prototypes actually exist and they (nearly) work. Is this another pre iPhone 3G launch hoax, mining for low hanging suckers? Maybe not.