iPhone Savior

Lost Tourists Saved By Light From MP3 Player

ZURICH - The faint glowing light of an unnamed MP3 player helped a rescue helicopter locate a skier and snowboarder stranded out in the snowy Swiss mountains, on Saturday. The pair of French tourists got themselves lost late in the day Friday while skiing out of bounds near the resort of Savognin in southeast Switzerland, according to a report by Reuters.

The thrill-seeking pair of Frenchmen managed to alert authorities using an unnamed mobile phone when the battery ran down cutting off communication before their location could be triangulated.

"The two winter sports enthusiasts were found by the crew of the Rega helicopter shortly after midnight -- thanks to the faint light of their MP3 player," said Gery Baumann, spokesman for mountain rescue service Rega.

While one report is making fantastical claims that the unnamed MP3 player was in fact a "Magical iPod", there are no reports supporting such wild speculation. Though the French are avid iPod users, a rabid group of Zune Zombies are known to operate covertly under the French flag. Thinking that a Zune could be named as the mysterious MP3 player that led to this rescue is making me a tad nauseous.

For those more concerned with the tourists than with their brand of technology, you'll be pleased to know that the two men suffered from mild hypothermia, after enduring falling temperatures as low as 15 degrees Celsius. They are expected to survive the ordeal but not the ridicule from close friends. How do you say 'Fail' in French?

Obama Crushes ZuneGate Rumor With His iPod

The Obama camp dealt a crushing blow to a hopeful community of Zune goons on Thursday when a spokesman for the president-elect put a scandalous rumor to death. “Not true, the President-elect uses an iPod,” he said. That one statement confirmed what every Machead already knew, there's no way Barack Obama deliberately owns a Zune media player.

The wild rumor, quickly coined as 'ZuneGate', was launched on December 2nd when Philadelphia writer, Neal Santos posted a story recounting his routine morning workout that unexpectedly included President-elect Barack Obama on an adjacent treadmill.

"He hopped on the machine next to me and broke a mean sweat while reading a copy of USA Today and listening to his Zune." Santos said in his report.

Wal-Mart Employee Dies In Wild Black Friday Shopocalypse Stampede

LONG ISLAND, NY - The Valley Stream Wal-Mart store on Long Island, NY delivered shock to the waking world early on Black Friday when a 34-year-old temporary employee Jdimytai Damour of Jamaica, Queens, was knocked to the ground and trampled to death after hundreds of shoppers smashed through the doors of the store on Friday morning.

The tragic scene marked the start of America's annual Black Friday sales event, a shopocalypse designed to encourage violent materialism while raising credit card debt by tempting desperate shoppers with extreme sale prices and limited supplies offered at no other time during the holiday shopping season. At least that's what these big box retailers would like everyone to believe.

McCartney Claims Beatles iTunes Deal Has Stalled

It appears that the long and winding road of negotiations leading to The Beatles becoming available on the iTunes music store have stalled according to Paul McCartney, who confirmed the news at the launch of his new album, Electric Arguments.

"So the last word I got back was that it had stalled, the whole process," the former Beatle said. "I really hope it will happen because I think it should." McCartney said, in a report by The Sydney Morning Herald.

Faithful Beatles fanatics have long anticipated the "Fab Four" catalog taking residence on iTunes, especially after individual works of McCartney, Lennon, Harrison and Starr were finally added by the online music giant. The appearance of the solo collections gave fans a glimmer of hope that the complete Beatles iTunes catalog addition was imminent. That hope has turned out to be nothing more than wishful thinking.

A spokeswoman from EMI Records said: "We have been working hard to secure agreement with Apple Corps. to make the Beatles' legendary recording catalog available to fans in digital form. Unfortunately the various parties involved have been unable to reach agreement but we really hope everyone can make progress soon."

We've all heard that PR lip service before. So exactly how soon is soon?

[The Sydney Morning Herald]    [Bootlegger Beatles Lego by David]

Tina Sherman Nude Photos May Prove Hotter Than McRib Sandwich

An Arkansas man is suing McDonalds claiming that naked photos of his wife were uploaded onto the internet after misplacing his cell phone at a Fayetteville, McDonalds restaurant. According to a report by the Associated Press, Phillip Sherman filed the lawsuit on Friday seeking $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment and the cost of having to move to a new home.

Sherman claims he left his phone at a Fayetteville, Arkansas McDonalds location on July 5, a manager reportedly confirmed by phone that Sherman's cell would be secure until he returned. A short time later nude photos of his wife Tina Sherman, that resided on the cell phone, allegedly made their way online. The suit also alleges that the photos were uploaded onto a website, thoughtlessly publishing Tina Sherman’s name, address, and contact information.

Star Trek Nut Busters Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before

You don't have to be a Star Trek fanatic to appreciate busting nuts with these classic Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock nutcrackers. Expect to pay a highly illogical $35 each for the most unique gift in our galaxy. These Star Trek nutcrackers are perfect for the Trekie that has it all. Get yours ordered at warp speed if you're still hoping to save Christmas for your entire crew.

I've already submitted my own suggestion for creating a limited edition Steve Jobs nutcraker. Since dropping the Firewire port from refreshed MacBooks and adding copy protection, I can't think of a better person than El Jobso to bust the nuts of Apple fanatics for the holidays. Live long and prosper with your USB 2.0 ports until further notice.

[What on Earth]

Dan Lyons Fires Himself From His Own Blog

Dan Lyons, who made blogging history with his brilliant brand of satire as the wildly popular Fake Steve Jobs persona, has unexpectedly fired himself, sending the Real Dan Lyons packing late Wednesday afternoon. Effective immediately Lyons will no longer host RealDan.com which he nurtured after abandoning "The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs" back in July of this year.

The abrupt firing came after Lyons removed a controversial post, "Jerry Yang Out" from his blog calling Yahoo's PR operators, "lying sacks of shit", feeling that he was given misleading information by Yahoo when writing a Newsweek piece last month. One report confirms that Noobweek bosses made him yank the inappropriate blog post shortly after Yahoo allegedly lodged a complaint against Lyons for being frighteningly accurate. [link]

Gumball Machines Now Pimping iPod Covers

The amazing "i-Sok" brings the myth of lost dryer socks to vending machines everywhere for .50 cents each. Now cheap iPod protection comes in 14 dumb designs that are as easy to get as gumballs. The iSok magical sheath offers on-the-go, condom-like protection for your iPod while helping the environment by putting those annoying mismatched socks to good use.

The i-Sok appears to be best suited for a full-size iPod or an iPod Classic. But for an investment of two quarters, it's temping to grab this disposable protection solution no matter what kind of handheld device you own. Collect all 14 and give them away as ghetto party favors at your next big event. There's a design surprise inside of every bulbous capsule.

[photo by Tim Murtaugh]

Obama Immortalizes John McCain With New Restroom Sign

CHICAGO, IL - During his triumphant campaign, Barack Obama promised Americans "Change We Can Believe In", he's wasted no time fulfilling that promise today by honoring John McCain with a new restroom placard that immortalizes the "McCain Zombie" image made popular in the final nationally broadcast debates between the presidential candidates.

"The McCain Zombie icon is classic comedy, John gets that," said McCain adviser Tom Nardzack, "Restroom signs have traditionally been Men or Woman. Adding the zombie classification is a tremendous honor and the kind of forward thinking that will impact generations of Americans to come, especially those zombies who've always felt like second-class citizens."

The highly anticipated face-to-face meeting between President-elect Barack Obama and ex-rival Senator John McCain, has resulted in both leaders agreeing to adopt a more jovial approach to politics as the first crucial step in campaign reform. Many speculated that Mr. Obama would offer McCain a key role in his administration, though no one anticipated an honor for McCain as significant as this.

Obama To Surrender Blackberry At The White House Door

President-elect Barack Obama will most likely be forced to go offline before he arrives at the White House in 65 days when he finally takes office. According to a post in the New York times, Obama is dreading the decision, but expects that surrendering his Blackberry could be a reality, friends and advisers say.

"In addition to concerns about keeping e-mail secure, he faces the Presidential Records Act, which puts his correspondence in the official record and ultimately up for public review, and the threat of subpoenas." Source - NYT

With all the hoopla about Obama being a technology savvy president, it's ironic that the one tool keeping him so personally connected to his supporters on the campaign trail will now be stripped away as he becomes our 44th President. The bulk of Obama's memorandums and briefing books were rarely delivered to him in printed form aides said. His Blackberry became the link for electronic delivery and review of such documents. Those long nights snuggling up to a warm Blackberry are soon to become a distant memory for Barry. No smartphone for you!

As we reported on election day, Barack Obama is definitely not a cult of iPhone fanatic like the rumors suggested, offering up a bit of levity knowing that one more person in the US will be giving up their Blackberry. Unfortunately it won't be because he's upgrading to Apple's iPhone 3G. It's a missed opportunity not being able to celebrate the first iPhone in the White House.

"A final decision has not been made on whether he could go against precedent to become the first e-mailing president, but aides said that seemed doubtful." reports the New York Times. Would you be willing to give up your iPhone for a dream job? That's one change I can't believe in.

[MSNBC via NYT]     [photos by Ozier Muhammad]     [CNN]