iPhone Savior

AT&T Launches Another Fail On Free iPhone Wi-Fi Service

FAIL CITY, TEXAS - After launching it's fair share of snafus when attempting to offer iPhone users free Wi-Fi hotspot access, AT&T has managed to set course for yet another epic failure today by posting a page on it's website indicating; "AT&T knows Wi-Fi is hot, and free Wi-Fi even hotter, which is why we are proud to offer iPhone customers free access to the nation's largest Wi-Fi hotspot network." Not!

It turns out that the web page was simply another brilliant mistake confirmed by AT&T spokesman Seth Bloom. Bloom indicated that the service is coming but FAILED to commit to an official launch date after yanking the error down. Major websites who jumped on the bogus news quickly posted retractions experiencing their own fail. It's one more fatal trip around the lake on AT&T's tragic failboat of free Wi-Fi. All aboard!

[via MacDaily News via Ars Technica]

iTwit Fix It Squad Jets To New Zealand To Dissect iPhone 3G, Because They Can

Everyone knows the joke; Why does a dog lick his balls? Answer; Because he can! For similar reasons the ultra-geeks at iFixit flew half way around the globe to New Zealand so they could purchase and completely dismantle Apple's newest iPhone 3G for posting. The results were less pleasurable for some of us.

I consider this kind of morbid curiosity sacrilege. It's traumatizing having to view my beloved Jesus Phone splayed and gutted only moments after launching with a young motherboard crying out for help. I'm appalled at the lack of respect perpetrated on iPhone for a few fleeting moments of attention mongering. By tomorrow the 'iTwit fix it squad' will lapse back into on-line obscurity once web gawkers return to their dark, tepid man caves to resume raiding on World of Warcrack.

Adding insult to injury, the traveling band of iSurgeons shamelessly passed out branded iFixit tee shirts to unsuspecting, line sitting New Zealanders, clueless to the fact they were accepting body advertising from the Dr. Kevorkians of iPhone death. Dammit! I just vomited in my mouth. Call me Billy buzzkill, but this disgusts me! If this is what cheap, tech geek, thrill seeking looks like... shoot me in the head now. And don't even think about trying to dismantle my body after I'm dead.

[photos via iFixit]

Melbourne Artist Makes Vintage Macs Happy Again

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - Satta van Daal delivers his artistic vision of 'Urban Beautification' with a spray can and his badass hand-cut stencils. Satta has created a unique grouping of inspired designs using the classic Mac as his canvas and his muse. Van Daal's 1986 Mac SE 'Woz and Steve Jobs' stencil evokes the swagger of Andy Warhol's pop art. I want one! His painted 'Happy Mac' creation is definitely awe inspiring for us die hard Mac fanatics.

   

German born Satta van Daal is an artist whose iconic stenciled images appear in and around the urban landscapes of Melbourne, Australia. Satta is working on a larger series of painted vintage Macs for his 'iPaint My Mac' exhibition launching sometime in the distant future. Until then, Van Daal has put his collection of Macs to use as shelf space in his bedroom, calling it "the latest in Retro Mac furniture design". I call it brilliant!

Satta's Stenc-O-Rama     

Portuguese Man Uses Crippled iPhone 3G As Excuse To Beg For Money

LISBON, PORTUGAL - A man in Portugal has managed to get his hands on an 8GB iPhone 3G in advance of it's official launch on July 11th. One photo shows the device connected to Portugal's Vodafone network, as confirmed in a report by Electronista. Another photo shows the iPhone 3G unboxed with greasy hand prints all over it. The man noted that due to the absence of iTunes 7.7 or The App Store his device is currently crippled. Crippled?

That's when Mauricio Barros decided to turn his unfortunate iPhone 3G disability into a money making opportunity, begging Portuguese patrons to help his plight. The man indicated that even though many passers bye have no clue what his disability is, many are gladly forking over spare change due the man's authentic beggars costume.

Barros claims to have hauled in over €63 Euro ($98 US) so far due to his crippled iPhone ruse. This international slacker hopes to triple his earnings by the time iPhone 3G is scheduled to launch worldwide on Friday.

[view unboxed photos via Electronista]

Rumor: Rogers Gets Pounded By Apple With Fewer iPhone 3G Shipments

Reports have begun to surface that Rogers may be facing a stiff consequence from Apple in the form of iPhone 3G sanctions only days before it's official worldwide launch as a result of unfair price gouging imposed by Rogers on the cult of iPhone in Canada.

A blogger is claiming inside reports coming from Rogers saying; "A senior Rogers rep confirms that Apple has decided to divert a large percentage of their planned Canadian shipment to Europe and that each Rogers store may now be getting as few as 10-20 units, ostensibly due to Apple's displeasure over Rogers' high data and voice rates." Reported by Daniel Smith as a plausible rumor on his wildly popular blog, Smithereens.

iPhone Savior Celebrates One Year Anniversary Sporting Proboscian Sippy Mask

SEATTLE, WA - The staff at the iPhone Savior started celebrating our one year Anniversary at 12:01 A.M. on Thursday morning. I decided to finally use my "Proboscian Sippy Mask" at the party, fronting like some Star Wars alien mosquito sucking back bug juice on Tatooine. I saw some lady looking like an ass hat on Gizmodo with that sippy mask and my first thought was, I need that thing! Turns out it was an original one-of-a-kind piece of art for dumb people. It works great!

It's hard to believe we launched our first post at 11:46 A.M. last year on July 3rd, 2007. It feels more like ten years ago. Does anyone recall our trademark iPhone spoof "Out Of A Coma, Into The Apple Store"? That was the article that put The Savior on the map. That little chunk of satire rang in over 35,000 hits in a matter of hours back in October, featured on Fake Steve Jobs and on CrunchGear. Some dubbed it a hoax, but it was deliberate iPhone satire.

iPhone 3G Launch Countdown Widget Achieves Epic Fail

MISSION VIEJO, CA - There's absolutely nothing cooler than being the first guy on your block to design your very own iPhone 3G Launch Countdown widget created for the entire planet to glorify every moment of restless anticipation leading up to July 11th at 8:00 A.M. Unless of course, you design your super sweet widget to countdown to 6:00 P.M. on July 11th instead of 8:00 A.M. when iPhone 3G officially launches, making the world miss the entire shiteree by ten friggin hours. Doh!

If you don't mind mentally subtracting ten hours from your iPhone 3G countdown, you can download this fail widget like we did from the wildly popular CeeDubb.com (where simplicity rules). Or you can email the CeeDubb team and request an upgraded widget while there's still time left. Because it sucks being the last one to arrive on iPhone launch day, just in time to hear some ass clown shout; "Sorry dude... they're sold out!"

UPDATE: The wildly popular CeeDubb has UPGRADED his iPhone 3G Launch Countdown with the correct 8 A.M. worldwide launch time. It's a fairytale ending of ginormous proportion like in the movie Armageddon! (except no one died). Fail boy emerged victorious with his sense of humor fully in tact, crowning the iPhone Savior with a loving "Ass Hat Award". That means so much. The cult thanks you my brother. How do you spell hero? I spell it CeeDubb. You're widget rulz!

Download the upgraded widget with confidence!

Fake Steve Jobs Bounces Fake Jerry Yang Out On His Boney Arse

The great fake one has declared he's had enough, firing guest blogger, fake Jerry Yang after ripping the Yangster a new fake arsehole. FSJ had the chimp bounced out gangster style, thanking Yang with a proper ass whuppin' on his way to the door.

"You suck, Jerry. You SUCK! Your company sucks and you suck and your blogging sucks! Seriously, dude. You suck, and you're fired." said Jobs in his return from vacation rant.

The love affair between fake Steve Jobs and the cry-baby Yangster was bound to end badly. From the start Yang managed to bounce on every readers last nerve like it was a friggin trampoline during his pathetic guest run in what amounted to roughly 24 catatonic posts. I loved the "Jerry is Sergey's bitch" video but that was not Yang's work. Surprised?

I must say, You SUCK! perfectly sums up my feelings about the Yangmeister's miserable attempt at power-blogging. He's a hack midget turd compared to the gravitas of El Jobso. Welcome back Steve. Peace out little chimp!   

[via Fake Steve Jobs]    [Yang Guest Blogging]

Man Hides Cell Phone In Anus To Elude Police And Avoid Roaming Charges

CINCINNATI, OHIO - Ace crime stalkers at The Smoking Gun have confirmed that a 41 year old Ohio man was nabbed by police for allegedly using his cell phone to peep free nudey picts of a 35 year old woman attempting to avoid tan lines by performing her fake-n-bake in the nude at Cincinnati's Aloha Tanning.

When confronted by police the man apparently denied any involvement in the incident insisting that he did not have a camera on him. A second search by police verified the man's claim of having no camera on him, because it was in him, as noted in a Hamilton County Sheriff's Office report. Merv the perv allegedly managed to rocket his cell phone up into his anus at breathtaking speeds in a daring attempt to fool police. This is what happens to peepers when push comes to shove. I'm relieved that this guy was not a cult of iPhone follower.

The man was freed on $1,500 bond while investigators tried to determine which brand of cell phone would have to be booked into evidence as a piece of crap. I could make a few educated guesses myself. It's wildly rumored that officers handed the butt-phone back to the perp so he could make his one phone call. That's unconfirmed. This is a great place to drop an "exit only" joke.

[Smoking Gun via Gizmodo]

Fake Jerry Yang Starts Guest Blogging Rant For Fake Steve Jobs?

It appears that Yahoo's Jerry Wang has taken over The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs adding Yangs name and photo to the banner [here] while faithful Apple-tards anxiously await the return of Bono. Yang has posted a rather lengthy lament, bearing his soul about all things Yahoo, an unlikely guest blogger called to fill in the gaps for the great fake one. At least Yang realizes that blogging is therapy as he fires back at Carl Icahn and NY Times writer Joe Nocera currently serving up roasted Yang for dinner.

Money quote; "As for me and my performance as a CEO, what can I say? Just because I started a company doesn't mean I know how to run one."  Jerry Yang - FSJ

Near the end of his post the Jermeister starts to aimlessly meander down a weird 3G iPhone path which reads like some kind of unfunny weed-huffing stoner ramblings. Well that's Jerry for ya. I mean Jerry Garcia. Is Hillary Clintstone the next guest in line?

"Hi, I'm Jerry, and I'll be your waiter tonight."

New York Times Knifes Jerry Yang    Carl Icahn's Pee Smell