iPhone Savior

iPhone Faithful Grow Restless for Second Coming

Throngs of shaved apes with opposing thumbs have been pounding their keyboards wanting to be the first to accurately predict the second coming of iPhone. Fortune Magazine has opted to lead the ape parade in the past few days as Apple followers are growing restless looking for a miraculous sign of their beloved Jesus Phone appearing in the clouds. Today it turned out to be a Cessna 172 Skyhawk instead.

"Apple appears to be targeting a June introduction of the 3G version of the phone, roughly a year after the original iPhone's debut. And similar to last year, Apple seems to be scheduling a limited initial supply to be followed by more phones in the fall quarter." Scott Moritz reports for Fortune. 

3G iPhones will be falling out of the trees this summer like ripened bananas dropping into the hands of angry Cubans who can't afford a real cell phone no matter what Raul tells them. The initial order calls for 11 million iPhones to be built this year according to the great shaved one. Taiwan's Hon Hai Precision Industry Co. has secured the exclusive contract to assemble iPhone 2.0 which has left the Hon Hai factory girls jumping for joy while they beat each other with the ugly stick. Look for the next generation iPhone's triumphant return to be witnessed by millions in May according to the chest pounding of Sinead Carew and Scott Hillis in a report for Reuters. May? Holy shit! Peace be with you my grunting, hairless brothers.

3G iPhone Earlier Than Expected?

Over 400K iPhones Expected to Be Sold in Britain

The Jesus Phone lived up to it's name, captivating true believers throughout the UK this past weekend as thousands filled queues for their chance to embrace the power of iPhone. Believers were quickly converted into cult of iPhone worshipers once their coveted prize was released from it's magical sheath.

'The Sun' is reporting; "Sales of the new iPhone are believed to have topped 100,000 in just over two days," and there seems to be no stopping in site with the Holidays fast approaching. "Analysts say Apple could sell a whopping 500,000 of the £269 gizmos by Christmas." Source - The Sun UK

The Daily Mirror said; "More than 400,000 iPhones are expected to be sold in Britain in the run up to Christmas and 10million worldwide in 2008." As reported by Stephen Hayward. Source - The Daily Mirror

Man Discovers That iPhone Plays Music

RICHLAND, WA - This was one financial planner who never planned on using his iPhone for listening to music. John Norom spends most of his time in the car working as a financial planning consultant for Banner Investment Group. When the iPhone hit The Apple Store, it had John at hello. Norom realized that the advanced multi-featured iPhone could make his job so much easier with WiFi, Google maps and the ability to process dozens of voice messages and emails on the road. It never occurred to him that the iPhone was also an iPod.

iUnlock iPhone Software: Free At Last!

iPhone Savior.com

It was a bloody battle of great magnitude but reports are now confirming that the iPhone is "Free at last, free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last! Or are we? 

Gizmodo is reporting with exuberant glee that everyone can now unlock their iPhones for free with the iUnlock software which has been named in tender tongue-in-cheek style by the Super Friends Dev Team of hackers that made it possible for common folk to enjoy living free. It sounds too over simplified for my liking, but you can discover all the details along with software download links over at the great and powerful Giz or Engadget for more. (useful download links below)

Go now my friends, and be ye healed.

Unlock Resources  Read iBrick Warning  iPhone Coma Man    Photo Art by abx500 

GPhone Predicted to be iPhone Killer

Special Report by Ian Fawling        Art by abx500

                                          

MARBLE FALLS, Texas - With new product rumors and speculation running rampant on the eve of Apple's big September 5th media circus, the blogosphere is buzzing that Google Inc. is set to announce the release of it's own cellphone, dubbed the GPhone by loyal cult followers. Technology analyst Rob Enderle predicts that the GPhone -- if it truly exists -- will be an iPhone killer. CrunchGear said the new HTC/Google phone will be based on a Linux platform and have Google Talk enabled, allowing users to make free Internet phone calls.

Blogger Mark "Rizzn" Hopkins, freelance project manager for The Rizzin Network claims to have a well-placed source inside Google that indicated the GPhone will cost just $100, aimed at beating the $100 laptop (which is now priced at $188). Hopkins would not verify the two week timetable for a GPhone release.

Is it possible that a new mobile technology savior is lurking on the horizon? Reverend Louis Cypher of The Living Word Lutheran Church in Marble Falls, Texas has joined in the fight against the hysteria surrounding the iPhone. Cypher has publicly posted anti-iPhone slogans every week since Apple's June 29th launch in attempt to kill the cult-like worship of the Apple iPhone in his small community.

"I support Google with daily prayer for the GPhone to crush that ungodly Jesus Phone" Cypher said, "It's a cult, it's idol worship and I'm not afraid to tell everyone in Marble Falls that Jesus don't need no phone."

Cypher insisted it's no mistake that cult followers have dubbed the mobile Google product "GPhone" indicating "God Phone", making it superior to the Jesus Phone and contrary to the popular opinion by some church members that it means "Goliath Phone". Those members were quickly admonished by Reverend Cypher who insisted that the name "Goliath" is not really a good thing. The name was abandoned immediately.

The GPhone has harnessed more fantastic speculation than Area 51 ever did. Though most outsiders cannot confirm if such a phone really exists, a cult following is forming at a rapid pace. All this in preparation to worship a new savior should the sky crack open and one appear wearing an embossed gold "G" bathed in holy light. Is the GPhone the new savior or another false mobile messiah? Only The Magic Eight Ball knows for sure.

Ask The Magic Eight Ball  Boston Globe Post  5 GPhone Facts  Engadget  Gizmodo

Clay iPhone More Popular Than Original

       

On this day in history August 15, 2007, the infamous Clay iPhone created as a joke by Flickr user Vaughn235 will be remembered as the biggest news story of the day, dwarfing the popularity of the original Apple iPhone. You'll find the story on MyiTablet, Gizmodo, Boing Boing, iPhone World and Top iPhone News to name only a few sources desperate for any kind of fresh iPhone news to report. Yesterday the big news was the $5,000 iPhone bill boxed up and mailed to Justine Ezarik by AT&T. It was featured on Cult of Mac among the long list of other lemmings. Today it's all about the clay! Mr.Bill and Sluggo have nothing on the Jesus Phone lovingly sculpted out of Premo brand modeling clay. While the hand-knit iPhone is just a faded memory by now.

The launch of Facebook and Skype for iPhone pale in comparison to the cult-like worship of the Clay iPhone replica accompanied by it's faux box to match. Anyone can create an "even better than the real thing" iPhone and have the web buzzing with giddy joy as long as it's the only dumb story available that day. No great skills required. It's like molding news from lumps of clay.

The iPhone Savior is shocked that the lemmings passed over the truly amazing iPhone story of the day which happens to be the see through iPhone. That's news!  Look for the clay Jesus Phone to appear on Ebay soon, selling for ridiculous amounts of greenbacks. Ohhh Noooo! Meanwhile, the see through iPhone will remain invisible. Now can someone please make me a clay martini?

View iClay Photo Stream  Watch Mr. Bill & Sluggo

(Clay iPhone photo courtesy of Vaughn235)

iPhone Therefore iNano Too

 
                                                iPhone Savior.com

Hot on the heels of the cult-like success of the Jesus Phone, Apple asked itself, "what would Jesus Phone do?" or W.W.J.P.D. It looks like the answer is the raising up of a lesser god for idol worship priced in the $300 range. Yes cult members, it's almost possibly true, it's the Nano iPhone. Will it be sleeker, cheaper and sweetly priced for the KAPOW! generation? The throngs of followers are restless. Reserve your place in line now to know for sure.

Read Entire Story  View Drawings

Picture of Moses with Nano iPhone is pure speculation

Hand-Knit iPhone Delivers Joy to Inner City Youth

DETROIT, MICHIGAN - One hundred fourth grade inner city youth from Detroit, Michigan on Saturday received their very own hand-knit iPhone from The Detroit Technology Foundation in an effort to offer disenfranchised youth hope for the future. Foundation Director Michael Hypemaker said; "We wanted the kids to experience what it would be like to recieve brand new technology, especially when it's the hottest new mobile device on the planet. These kids can put their hand-knit Jesus Phone under their pillows at night and dream of some day owning one for themselves, dreaming is half the fun of being a kid", laughed Hypemaker.

Jesus Phone Screen Saver for iPhone

It only took one week after the launch of iPhone for Saddlebeck Church in Dana Point, California to design their own Jesus phone screen saver for the iPhone. The caricature image of Jesus for iPhone is being used as a light-hearted fund raising initiative to sponsor technology addicted youth for summer church camp.

Youth Pastor James Stumplegger said; "the iPhone is super seriously hot right now, especially with the nickname Jesus phone. I saw my chance to cash in and jumped on it with my one good leg, because them tech kids need some Jesus, seriously."

The Jesus phone screen saver sells for $6.95 and is available for download exclusively at the Saddlebeck Church website. A new screen saver design featuring the young Steve Jobs inside a money machine is also being considered.

More iPhone Wallpaper  Jesus Wallpaper

Reviewer claims no affiliation with Saddleback Church

iLoser Greg Packer Finds Jesus Phone

He plopped himself down in front of the Fifth Avenue Apple store in New York to comb out his chest hair while waiting for press to spot him on iPhone launch day. Greg Packer who was dubbed the iLoser, is less of an iPhone cult follower and more of a compulsive line-sitter. Greg now has an iLoser blog designed to create his own cult, seeking those who would bow down to worship him. Good luck Greg, you'll have to sit in line behind the Jesus phone, the real savior.

   

Packer wasn't able to articulate how the iPhone worked, but he did say the experience of being first in line was like being a celebrity - "like Bono" - in a crowd. "It was like being a god," he said in a telephone interview. I knew that's what he was after...God-like status.

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