iPhone Savior

I Want My Personal iShopper

Special Report by Ian Fawling                                                  iPhonesavior.com

SAN JOSE - Banking on the cult-like popularity of all things Apple, San Jose based entrepreneurs Nathan McHenry and Stewart Attakson have launched their new iShopper service for the brain-free generation. Their fledging company appropriately called "Mac Attack" provides customers with a personal iShopper to help custom tailor their Apple Store purchases for a fee of $125 per hour. Most of their clientele have recently converted from Windows based PC's, making their initial Apple product purchases feel like a daunting task. 

"I hate feeling stupid when I'm shopping for technology" said Mac Attack client Rain Leary of Palo Alto, CA "I'm 28 years old, hot, tanned and a bikini model who paid for her own BMW, but I'm not stupid."

For an additional $50 dollars (above the hourly fee) clients are treated to a casual sit down lunch of their choosing, complete with hand-holding by an iShopper to assist in the set-up of their new Apple products. This specialized catering has become a popular feature of the Mac Attack service. "Having my own personal iShopper to buy my MacBook really put me at ease", said Ben Gerou, "Having a perfect vegan lunch afterwords for my set-up made the experience priceless for me."

     McHenry & Attakson        iShopper at Apple Store              Rain Leary 

McHenry and Attakson have been successful in raising enough funding to franchise their operation beyond the Silicon Valley within the next few months. "We've been bickering over what kind of car we want to brand with" said McHenry, "The Beetle was already taken by the Geek Squad, so we're looking at the Smart Car as a possible option." In only two short months the dynamic iShopping duo has signed over twenty two clients and are anticipating no end in site, as more people with disposable income require their premium level of service with many taking their first bite out of the big shiny Apple via the iPhone. McHenry stated that personal referrals have been the gold standard for Mac Attack thus far, which is serendipitous as their official website is still under construction. 

If big department stores can offer personal shoppers, then it's certainly feasible that two guys from San Jose can pound out a living helping the brain-free generation find some very expensive peace of mind. Or is it?

(Mac Attack clients pictured at top - Caren Lane & Rymon Beatty) 

All Photos courtesy of Mac Attack

iDating Goes Warp Speed with iPhone

 

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Just when you think you've seen it all, singles groups across the country find new hope for romance via iPhone speed dating."iDating" parties have become so popular in some cities like San Francisco, California, adding multiple nights and still packing in standing room only crowds. "The iPhone makes speed dating more user-friendly, because you're rejecting a photo not a real person." said Niko Atuna who co-hosts her own iDating parties in the downtown San Francisco area for $25 a person.

The iDating events serve beer, wine and cold hors d'oeuvres to keep the singles mingling. After the one-on-one portion of the evening is completed, participants make dating selections individually from the iPhones sequestered in a private area. A personal message is usually sent via iPhone to ask the big question. Participants can either accept or decline a request for a date after the event. Being added as a contact is typically the indicator that a date has been accepted, making the selection process impersonal and totally high tech.

         

"I've been added as a contact to more iPhones than I can keep track of" said Barry Faig, a speed dating regular; "The ladies love my fresh pimpin' style and my dope ass photo helps too." iDating parties are reaching super-fad status in major metropolitan cities across the U.S. for hipster singles. "It's a part time job for me, I clear over $1,800 dollars a week after expenses." said Atuna, who will be adding her second weekly party starting in September. Daters must own their own iPhone to qualify for participation. The new age of romance has arrived with iDating, hand delivered and sealed with a kiss on an iPhone near you. 

(iDating photos above, courtesy of Niko Atuna) 

The Funny Thing About iPhone

iPhone Delivers New Life for iLoather

Until the launch of Apple's revolutionary iPhone, Niles Hortley of Olympia, Washington, viewed his daily life as mind numbingly boring, losing any desire to participate in it at all. Niles claims that since recently viewing his own life through the new iPhone, his enthusiasm for living has been reinvigorated, quickly surpassing the old status quo he so deeply loathed.

   

"I never realized how great my life actually looked until I saw it reformatted on my iPhone," said Hortley, "Even the mundane stuff like sitting in my favorite chair gives me incredible excitement." Hortley insisted that even his old wife looks like a new woman again when viewed through iPhone's crystal clear screen.

"I found myself peering into my own life with an overwhelming desire to be that guy inside, then it hit me, I am that guy."

   

Hortley insists that the iPhone has given him a powerful advantage in life, putting an end to his personal disdain. Niles plans on producing several uplifting iPhone wallpaper images of himself as a means to offer hope to other people struggling with their own version of iLoathing. According to Hortley, it's never too late to give something back.

(Hortley pictured above inside of his iPhone)

Fred Sanford gets iPhone Mania

                                               iPhonesavior.com

It's called Jesus Phone dummy!       Photo abx500 

Africans Fear The Arrival of iPhone (RED)

iPhone Savior.com                                                                              

A number of villagers in Timbuktu, Africa expressed deep concern Monday for what may be the imminent arrival of iPhone (RED). They are still trying to understand how the delivery of a monolithic (RED) Nano has aided the deteriorating living conditions in their village. "I keep thinking that a huge red iPhone is going to show up here any moment and it scares me" said village Chief, Salif Tounkara. "We just don't have space for another shining red icon in our village, especially when it becomes such a profound focus of worship for my people." Tounkara suggested that the United States keep their gods of technology at home where they belong.   

See Red iPhone     Photo by abx500  

Gee Whiz Ralphie!

                                                                                                iPhone Savior.com

Meanwhile, three blocks away Schwartz was getting his.                Photo by abx500
 

The Harder You Try

                                                  iPhone Savior.com

Angry Bill Gates is Captured by iPhone

                                                                                            Photo by Bryan Chang

It's rumored that Microsoft savior Bill Gates has been taking major heat of late from Microsoft board members for allowing himself to be trapped inside the iPhone shortly after it's overwhelming launch. "I can't put the Genie back in the bottle with the iPhone" shouted Gates in a small roar, "I'm just trying to figure out how to get myself out of this dog gone thing." Gates insisted that he was only taking an innocent look around the inside of the unit when everything went black.

Microsoft board members offered Gates no immediate solutions while they battle the XBox 360 nightmare. Senior board member Will Angley said; "He got himself into that ridiculous thing, now he needs to find his way out". Angley sarcastically expressed the same sentiment about Gates and the Zune Media Player.

Unless something changes, Bill Gates will remain on display inside the iPhone for the remainder of the month in downtown Seattle. Steve Jobs could not be reached for comment.

Hand Drawn iPhone Wallpaper Art Rulz

                                                    iPhone Savior.com

Artist NazaRet has put together a unique offering of hand
drawn iPhone wallpaper that he zipped up for free download.
My top pick is the Amy Winehouse caricature. The selections
are more for Her than for Him, but it's still another great
offering to the Cult of iPhone faithful that's not a scam.

Go now and be healed!                       (7 original drawings)

Nature Wallpaper   More iPhone Wallpaper