Special Report by Ian Fawling
James Normal and his group of crusaders, "Tinfoil Users Retaining Data" are taking no chances of having their precious brain space hacked. According to Normal, he founded T.U.R.D. three years ago in preparation for such a time as this with claims surfacing that Apple could be mining personal data from it's popular iPhone. Wearing a tinfoil hat has been used for decades as the last line of defense against government mind control signals. For Normal and his group wearing tinfoil is a cult-like way of life that pales in comparison to the cult of iPhone.
According to 9to5 Mac, Apple is tracking iPhone users data including IMEI numbers through the iPhone. It's possible that the information could be used by Apple to build user profiles that includes data on travel, financial and banking preferences, work details…even personal browsing information (porn surfing iPhoners be warned). These claims come as no surprise to James Normal.
"There's no way to know who's scanning your brain, cell phone or lap top for data," said Normal. "That's why our teams are trained to deploy tinfoil hats on a moments notice. We help protect a citizens right to personal privacy, unless they freely give up their data to websites like eHarmony, Linkedin or MSN, then we consider them to be a P.U.D. Once their data has been compromised we shun them because they are contaminated. Normal explained that T.U.R.D. refers to any individual who willingly gives away highly personal information online as a P.U.D. or "purposely uncovering data".
"We fashion tinfoil hats for a reason man. If there was no threat do you think I would deliberately walk around looking like an ass hat? It's about protection against forces and big business who are all working together to control our minds and our resources." Normal said.
Normal went onto describe how being dependent on technology makes us all pawns in a grander diabolical corporate scheme with no way of turning back. "Why to you think they call the day after Thanksgiving 'Black Friday'? It's an inside joke. We get fattened up on Turkey day then we march off to slaughter on 'Black Friday. Get it? We buy the transmitters that they use to control and destroy us then hand them out as gifts, it's ingenious!" said Normal.
In a somewhat comic twist of fate, it's possible that T.U.R.D. may have turned it's 250 active members into walking transmitters. In a 2005 study, tests carried out by MIT students found that tinfoil hats actually amplify government 'mind control' signals sent at frequencies which match those allocated to the US government between 1.2 Ghz and 1.4 Ghz. According to the FCC, These bands are supposedly reserved for 'radio location' (ie, GPS), and other communications with satellites. Source: The Register UK
Until there is better understanding formed around the hidden features of iPhone and the sinister government mind-control conspiracy, a tinfoil hat may be the worst accessory to own, even though the hats do provide a bit of festive holiday flair. It could prove to be the gift that keeps on giving a greater peace of mind. Quite literally.
Read the story (here) Read About the Debuking (here)
Pictured above: Tinfoil hats offering three levels of protection (transmission)
Photos by: Brian Tau- Luxography (link)
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