iPhone Savior: MacBook Air Sickness Weighs On Early Adopters

SAN JOSE, CA - From the moment Steve Jobs announced the arrival of MacBook Air at MacWorld on January, 15th critics, pundits and whiskey hoisting bar hounds alike have all lined up to offer their insight on Apple's latest thinnovation. Before the MacBook Air had even reached the hands of Macs beloved early adopters, naysayers began ruthlessly slicing up Air's unique features like a gang of twisted circus monkeys with a set of steak knives. Each convinced that Apple had somehow overlooked a crucial step in their design. Wired is only the latest in that pedigree to take swipes at the "thin one" in a post entitled "MacBook Air Released with Slew of Problems" highlighting the findings of Macworld's Jim Dalrymple. A post that Wired should have more accurately aimed at the brilliant OLPC.

Negative attacks from a rainbow assortment of ass clowns has taken it's toll on early adopters in the form of a recently diagnosed ailment that Dr. Brian Hirsh, a San Jose M.D. has identified as "MacBook Air sickness". According to Dr. Hirsh, symptoms include a sudden feeling of nausea, slight dizziness and anxiety, similar to what is commonly referred to as a panic attack. Dr. Hirsh has treated over ten cases of MacBook Air sickness in the past week alone, convinced that mounting negativity about Air in the press has contributed to the number of incidents he has observed. MacBook Air sickness is not to be mistaken with those who claim they're sick of hearing the hype surrounding the world's thinnest notebook, a figure of speech that's not considered a real malady.

"It's hard to convince my patients that MBAS is only temporary and stems from suppressed anger," said Dr. Hirsh, "I show them pictures of MacBook Air, focus them back onto it's thinness and weight, reminding them of the superiority they will experience when true innovation is resting in their hands. That's when their blood pressure starts to stabilize and the nausea subsides. They quickly regain their arrogance and pride of ownership."

According to Dr.Hirsh a small prescription of Xanax, a printed copy of a MacBook Air Users Guide and limiting exposure to unqualified reviews of MacBook Air has provided his patients optimum relief. When I asked Dr. Hirsh what he might prescribe for buyers remorse, he paused as if he was going to offer a serious answer, "It's a Mac, there's no such thing as buyers remorse," said Hirsh "Apple provides their own prescription to calm early adopters, it's called a 10% restocking fee right?" Wow! He's good!

Dr. Hirsh advised that if anyone witnesses early adopters beginning to exhibit the symptoms of Macbook Air sickness, keep them warm and sitting down in the case of dizziness. Do not attempt to talk them out of their feelings of anxiety, but rather focus their attention to Apple's website if possible to view the MacBook Air ad and guided tour. If symptoms persist do not hesitate to contact a medical professional. For everyone else, there are currently no prescriptions known to quell overwhelming feelings of Mac envy.

Special Report by Ian Fawling

[MacBook Air Bashing NY Times] Dr. Brian Hirsh M.D. pictured above