Special Report by Earl Sorel 
Since the launch of Apple's revolutionary iPhone on June 29, 2007 many early adopters have
enjoyed elite status that for the most part has served to elevate their
social status and personal cool factor. Anyone holding one of those
boring conventional cell phones was silently judged and labled a loser
in comparison to the iPhoner who was dressed for success with the most
sought after accessory capable of complementing any wardrobe. But that's so 2007!
The script is about to be flipped on iPhone early adopters who will appear fatally out of fashion when eight million high-end 3G iPhone 2.0 models start flooding the market by June. Even Japan's mobile operator NTT DoCoMo will be filled with wanton tech lust once 3G becomes an iPhone reality, sparking a frenzy in Tokyo that would rival the appearance of Godzilla. It's no secret that current iPhone owners are practically wetting themselves in rabid anticipation of iPhone 2.0, terrified of relinquishing their smug superiority. Expect Ebay to be bombarded with used, outdated iPhones in tandem with expansive lines forming outside of Apple stores once again when iPhone 2.0 launches. Look for cult of iPhone followers to be camping out in force, armed with that trademark glazed over look in their eyes ripe for mindless worship. Anything necessary in order to avoid being labeled a loser holding onto their 2007 Apple paper weight
"I have this recurring dream about the new iPhone almost every other night,"
said Rob Misspy an iPhone early adopter, "I see myself buying it
directly from Steve Jobs at the Apple Store in Manhattan, he shakes my
hand and then I feel this warm sensation run through my body. When I
wake up I realize that I've pissed all over myself again. That effing
dream has become a nightmare."
Those who chose to wait for the launch of the 3G iPhone will ultimately be crowned the true winners since they didn't give into the peer pressure and pains of early adoption. No $200 price drops to deal with and no regrets from buying an over-hyped 4GB dinosaur that became extinct shortly after it was hatched. The newly improved iPhone will finally deliver features that should have been standard issue from day one, like GPS navigation as one example. Those that chose to wait it out are about to reap the fruit of their patience. While Jesus Phone early adopters will be left to sing; "I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me." Shortly before they're compelled to plunk down another $599 for the right to be the coolest kids on the block, all over again. Spiked Kool Aid by any other name is still as deadly. "Drink up me hardies, yo ho!"
People waiting in line all night for a phone are really losers. People it's a phone!
It is very scary to think these people live among us.
Posted by: Stew | July 12, 2008 at 05:38 AM
--STOP THE PRESSES--
NEW VERSION OF iPHONE EXPECTED TO BE AN IMPROVEMENT OVER CURRENT iPHONE!
Millions of people who purchased Apple's original iPhone, expecting that there would never be a better one, are soon to be heartbroken as Apple is rumored to release a new version after only one year. Who would have guessed?
Posted by: Brett | March 31, 2008 at 10:27 PM
The real losers are going to be Moto, Nokia, Samsung, MS, Sony, Palm & RIM. Of course, they're not "new" losers, they are already "old" losers.
Posted by: Synthmeister | March 31, 2008 at 12:13 PM
I think it's a fair bet that AT&T is going to charge more for 3G data plans and that the 3G hardware is going to be more than the current iPhone. It's also unclear when this 3G phone is coming out.
I, for one, am glad to have my EDGE iPhone right now... though I am glad I waited for 16GB. :)
Posted by: Marcos | March 31, 2008 at 09:47 AM
Well, the ones that hasn't bought one yet are. Come June, your iPhone wakes up as if its brand new. The rest of the year will bring even more goodies to existing iPhone users.
Posted by: slappy | March 31, 2008 at 09:11 AM
What a load of crap. The real losers are going to be the people who waited for 3G to buy an iPhone and realize how much they've missed out on over the past year when they finally get their hands on one.
Posted by: Dan | March 31, 2008 at 08:58 AM
Wow, I bet those 4gb iphones will be cheap in a few months on ebay!!!
Posted by: rick | March 31, 2008 at 08:50 AM