iPhone Savior

Holy Toast Delivers Breakfast Miracles

The iPhone is a miracle of modern technology and now you can finally serve up a breakfast to match. Turn your boring breakfast into a miracle of Biblical proportion by embossing the image of the Virgin Mary on your white bread. Then toast it broseph! You'll have even the most skeptical non-believers converted into a committed cult of iPhone follower after serving them your miracle toast.

Prove to everyone beyond a shadow of a doubt the divine power and superiority your iPhone grants you at the start of each new day. Now you can become 'holier than Jobs' for only $4.95. Your guests will have trouble deciding weather to butter it or build a shrine. Refuse to get toasted again without your very own 'Holy Toast' bread stamper and give profound new meaning to your Wonder Bread.    

 
[via Archie McPhee]    [Tic-Tac-Toast and Pirate Toast]
 

Infamous NY Prostitute Spotted Seeking iPhone?

NEW YORK, NY - The shocking sex scandal in NYC this past week has revealed to thousands of Americans that the highest paid position in the Governors office was definitely under Eliot Spitzer. We received dozens of emails asking if the "Will work for iPhone" photo (top left) was indeed the infamous call girl, Ashley Alexandra Dupre attempting to create a little tongue-in-cheek humor out her sudden unfortunate celebrity.

We were unable to confirm if the girl in the photo spotted just outside Manhattan was Miss Ashley Dupre without proper DNA testing. We have opted to let our readers form their own conclusions. It appears this might be a perfectly timed spoof launched by the Cult of iPhone faithful. Or is it?

[more Ashley Dupre photos]    [thanks to Jay D. for the tip]

Apple Rejects iPhone Developers in Mass Quantity

SPOKANE, WA - News that Apple is not accepting just anyone willing to pay $99 into the iPhone Developer Program is sending huge ripples through the cult of iPhone. According to reports, developer rejection letters started to arrive from Apple via email in-boxes around the country today. Entire corporations were rejected along with individuals like Cliff Stohler who was convinced he would emerge from his Spokane living room holding the next big iPhone app. Stohler will be happy to know that thousands of other hairy backed, mullet wearing wannabe iPhone developers like him were also rejected. Some turned out to be women.

These rejections are not for the general iPhone SDK download program but for the paid $99 iPhone Developer Program set aside for only the elite developers gaining Apple's love and acceptance. The program allows access to pre-release iPhone software; technical support; the ability to get code onto iPhones for testing; and distribution of applications via the new App Store. Many hopeful like Stohler have hit a tragic dead end on the iPhone SDK Roadmap. Their trip ends here. 

We wish Cliff Stohler luck in the future even though we are fully convinced he'll never be approved to produce doodly-squat for the iPhone. Call it a hunch. Email [email protected] if you would like to donate to his wardrobe fund.

[entire story via TUAW]     [The Fail Blog]

Fresh Converts Join The Cult of Mac Curious

 

Life has been evolving so fast that what's considered new this morning can be tabbed as "medieval" by noon. Apple pushed this race to innovation to new heights when it started releasing its line of Mac computers. The Mac fever rode high and with good reason. Up to now, I can say that comparing Mac to any other computer is like comparing broadband to telegraph.

Pictured above are two fresh converts leaving the Boston Apple store seen holding their brand new Macbook Pros. Do you remember when you had that same look of gleeful self-assurance, bliss and genuine superiority after joining the Apple cult? That Macishly smug look that says, hey world I just bought true innovation and you're all whores. Not the $4,300 dollar a night Eliot Spitzer variety whore but more like those $50 hand-job whores with bad teeth.

Remember when you had no problem plunking down a few grand because you believed that your new Mac would alter your entire world and gain you the kind of attention from hotties you knew you deserved? Me too, I remember it all like it was yesterday. I love the hope and innocence I see in their eyes on this day that they have been truly reborn. The Cult of Mac is alive and well in Boston and church is in session for these two recently baptized Apple newbies. Welcome home my friends.

[photo by SimonDee]

A Video Movie Could Improve Vista's Image

Fred and Sharon are convinced that a video movie could improve your life, so they created a brilliant YouTube promo showing examples of who needs a movie. So why can't a video movie improve the life of Windows Vista?

I emailed their video to Steve Ballmer at Microsoft to sell him on the idea of using Fred and Sharon to produce a movie on the ultimate benefits of upgrading to Vista. If anyone can turn the negative Vista image around, it's Fred and Sharon. These two are the Sonny and Cher of advertising. They know how to "sell it faster or for more money" which totally lines up with the Microsoft philosophy.

I hope Ballmer runs with my idea because he knows better than anyone else how popular a well produced YouTube video can make you. Vista needs a movie! I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

GameBoy vs Zune: One Heroic Story of Survival

The photo on the left is is a GameBoy that amazingly survived a barracks bombing during the first Gulf War 1990 -1991. As evidenced by the photo, this GameBoy still works and currently resides at the Nintendo World Store in NYC. Tetris nerds make a special pilgrimage to visit the miracle device once a year.

The photo on the right is an original Zune, but despite it bombing many times over it also survived. Unlike the Gameboy the fact that it's still not dead after bombing, fails to inspire anyone with awe. In fact, many would love to see the wannabe iPod bombed just for sport. It currently resides in the hands of flesh eating Zune zombies nationwide who dream that one day their polished turd will rule the planet. Keep dreaming. One of these things are not like the other.

[via Geekologie]     [bombed GameBoy video]

iPhone Savior Blog Calling It Quits

Since the launch of iPhone, the wildly popular iPhone Savior blog has served faithfully as your own personal Jesus Phone news and satire site committed to reporting the humorous side of Apple obsession. That's exactly why the staff here at the Savior are feeling a bit distressed after hearing the news late last night that our editor in chief and founder of iPhone Savior is planning to retire the site. The Savior has been a huge labor of love for each of us since it's launch. Make no mistake, the iPhone Savior is officially quitting the cult.

The reasons sited were personal ones that I'm not at liberty to post at present. We've been told that the iPhone Savior website along with all of it's archives will remain in tact indefinitely, but no new work will be posted beyond April 1st. Our staff agreed that we were not going to do a disappearing act and wanted to offer our large community of readers a bit of notice. We have all been extremely privileged to experience such huge success in the short period of time we had. Our faithful readers can be credited for that success along with the quality websites who chose to feature our work. We have the greatest respect for your unfailing commitment to twisted journalism.

On behalf of our staff, Wade Spumen, Doris Flatley, Fay Stoker and myself, thank you for your continued support and committed readership as we wind down our final days of delusional glory. Your support gave us a unique opportunity to be seen and heard. You have our heartfelt appreciation.

Sincere Thanks and Appreciation to:  MacSurfer, ifo Apple Store, Gizmodo, Engadget, The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs, CrunchGear, Guy Kawasaki's AllTop, Cellphone Forums, MacRumors, The SFist and the popular Mac worship site I Drank The Kool-Aid.

Ian Fawling - Assistant Editor

Bury The Beatles, Bring On AC/DC Already

According to Billboard Magazine Apple Inc. has flatly denied the rumors of a Beatles deal for iTunes as being "unsubstantiated speculation" contrary to recent reports. The big wet blanket thrown over The Beatles deal was perfectly timed since true rock music aficionados only want to talk about one thing anyhow, AC/DC coming to iTunes.

What's the deal with Apple and the bad boys down under? What's the hold up? Has anyone heard the AC/DC Tribute album disgracing the pages of iTunes? You'll find twelve perfectly ugly versions of AC/DC songs that you'll wish you never heard.  A water boarding torture session would seem like a vacation in comparison. Enter at your own risk and then flip Apple an email screaming in CAPS for Australia's finest.

Come on Apple, stand up and be counted for what you're about to receive. For those about to rock, we salute you! Oooh, ooooh yeah!

[via MacNN]

Belfast Apple Store Evokes Memories of Jack and The Beanstalk

 
The new Apple store at The Victoria Center in Belfast, Ireland is all about grandiose magnificence. The spiral staircase leading to the store was reminiscent of Jack and the Beanstalk when looking up at it from ground level. The odd shape of the top floor was a bit confusing until you reach the landing and then it all makes sense. There's so much more square footage than I had expected that high up. Photographs were not allowed from inside the store but I was able to snap a few shots from atop a nearby construction lift as people entered via the glass staircase.

Newsweek Noob Loses His MacBook Air

In a post entitled "Gone, Because I'm A Tool", Steven Levy laments his missing MacBook Air. Ha Ha! Anytime a certified noob pulls a huge bonehead move like losing his own Macbook Air, the next thing he searches for is solace inside a community of other noobs like himself so they can properly whine together. In this case he might be all alone. It seems easier for Levy to place blame on his Macbook Airs lightness of being rather than spending quality time in front of the mirror admiring his new ass hat. Levy even entertains the possibility that his wife threw out his Air with a stack of coffee table magazines and newspapers all due to it's thinnovation. When in doubt, yank off your ass hat and blame the old lady. Nice!

"There will be a lot of desperate searches for lost MacBook Airs. When something is thin enough to fit into an envelope, wouldn't it make sense that one could lose track of such a thing? Even if it is a computer? As humiliating as it sounds, let me repeat: the MacBook Air is so thin that it got tossed out with the newspapers." Source: Steven Levy - Newsweek

'The Technologist' goes on to state that Newsweek will pony up the $1,800 dollars for his lapse of consciousness and warns other Air owners to beware. The fate of so many socks may linger in your ultra-thin future. Until further notice Mr. Levy should consider himself the sole member of the MacBook Air-heads Club. Matter-of-fact, I respectfully nominate him as the clubs president and founder. Though I would not anticipate new members anytime soon if I were him.

[read "Gone, Without A Trace"]    [MacBook Airhead paid to flee Newsweek ]