SAN DIEGO, CA - Anyone who had a pulse close to June 29, 2007 witnessed the media frenzy surrounding the launch of the original iPhone which has since spawned a global cult of committed iPhone faithful in epic proportions. It seemed like the lines stretched back from New York to Australia filled with devoted Apple followers attending their first iPhone worship service. Church will be back in session for round two with Steve Jobs presiding over the line of mass hysteria.
Mac fanatic and personal trainer, Gib Nikserof has chosen to volunteer his first hand iPhone line experience to fellow cult members by launching his unique line sitters training camp. His goal is to help true believers prepare for the grueling adventure that awaits them in front of Apple stores on July 11th when iPhone 3G goes on sale.
"I saw people passing out in line last year, some were falling asleep standing,
vomiting, others got horrible cramps in their legs and in their fingers
from laptop over use. People have no clue how nutty it really gets out
there man. Add hot weather and it's harsh gonad chaffing time. That's not for everyone." said Nikserof.
Gib Nikserof is convinced that line sitting takes extreme mental and physical preparation in order to survive the harsh elements that catch the average Apple noob by surprise. His three hour events are more clinic than camp including stretching exercises, agility training, nutritional basics and even some to hand-to-hand combat to increase toughness.
Nikserof devotes an entire hour to teaching hydration myths and facts, along with the short term effects of vodka, marijuana and energy drinks on the body. Nikserof stressed that his mission is to make line sitting training strenuous and informative, admitting that many Mac faithful have very little muscle definition and are in poor physical shape overall. He coaches his students to line sit in groups of three, use plenty of Gold Bond powder, always stand in longer intervals than sitting to avoid cramping and never choose to squat, as it cuts off vital blood flow to the testicals. Proven techniques that Nikserof is convinced are keys to a sitters survival.
"I've been there, done that and got the Mac tee shirts to prove it. I
suffered from chaffing for days after those all nighters in line wishing I was better
prepared," said Nickserof, “If you're not training, I guarantee some
other Mac head is, somewhere, and they'll be ready to take your place
faster than an iPhone price cut."
Nikserof and girlfriend Raney Skye are in the process of video taping his training camp for YouTube but the content will not be ready before July 11. Gib's next series of events will be held on the remaining Saturdays & Sundays prior to July 11 in front of the big fountain at Balboa Park beginning at 10 AM. No advance notice is required. You'll be able to spot Gib wearing his OS X Leopard tee shirt. If you intend to be one of the thousands of iPac lemmings waiting in extremely long lines for the launch of Apple's new iPhone 3G, I suggest that you do not fail to plan, unless you plan to fail.
iPac Drawing by Docpop Gib & Raney at Balboa Park (on left)
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