iPhone Savior

Is iPhone Red On Apple's Holiday Gift List?

The cry of the masses for a return of ol' Whitey brought us the White iPhone 3G in tandem with it's evil twin cloaked in jet Black goodness. Rumors and speculation of a 3G salt and pepper iPhone team were true. Now it's time to look forward to the emergence of iPhone Red, Apple's holiday release to boost iPhone sales. Rumors have begun to bubble under that Apple is quietly planning to go red.

With the iPhone's transition to plastic casing, it's fairly simple for Apple to add color at will while keeping true to form with a Product (RED) offering. Every Firefighter and his drooling brother will want to wrap his hairy man hands around this Little Red Devil. Add an exclusive pair of red Apple All Stars to your ensemble and you'll be dangerously Mactastic. Are you seeing Red for the holidays? I am.

[Release DATE!]  [Red Blooded Woman Photo by Rán Magnúsdóttir]

Update: Did The Who Farm Five Ever Get iPhones On Launch Day?

The Who Farm five left New Yorkers with more questions than answers after Apple's iPhone 3G was officially launched on July 11th in a fire storm of media attention. When the smoke cleared at the Fifth Avenue Apple store, rumors began to swirl that Daniel Bowmen Simon and the rest of The Who farmers disappeared into the masses without their coveted iPhones in hand. Other websites dismissed the group as whack jobs and publicity hounds who never intended to own an iPhone at all. In both cases the rumors could not have been further from the truth.

I spoke to Daniel at length by phone about his grueling line sitting experience, the Guinness World Record set outside the Apple store and about the power of iPhone. I'm convinced that Daniel Bowmen Simon (on right) and Heyward Gignilliat (on left) are not a couple of mindless kooks. They are self-described crazy ones, a reference Daniel made to innovators that think different as seen in an old Apple TV ad, "Here's To The Crazy Ones"

iJustine Broadcasts The iPocalypse In Her Sold Out iPhone Video

There is a formidable disturbance in the cult of iPhone this morning with a clear and present danger that the iPocalypse is at hand. iJustine is broadcasting a terror video featuring calls she's made via speaker phone to over 35 Apple store locations requesting iPhone 3G. Sold Out! Sold Out! can be witnessed over and over again in classic horror movie style, until one Apple staffer breaks the monotony by calling Steve Jobs a butt head. A timely relief, but then it's back to the "sold out" shocker being blasted like some power death ray over iJustine's iPhone. Nooooooo!

Though "The World Is Out Of iPhone!" video is another golden opportunity for iJustine to mug the camera with more disturbing face changes than Michael Jackson, the impending iPocalypse of sold out iPhones is still horrific. What will you tell your children when all of the iPhones are gone? Will there be life after lining up for iPhone 3G? Is iJustine enough eye candy to completely numb the brain from feeling any pain? I say she is. (video after the jump)

[via Tasty Blog Snack via Fortune Apple 2.0]

Apple Starts Testing iSquirt Devices In London

LONDON, ENGLAND - Sources have confirmed that Apple has begun location testing of its new user-friendly portable urinal iSquirt, set for release in the UK for late fall of 2008. The first prototype design, originally reported by CrunkGear, has been testing favorably with men in London's West End, where street fouling has become a nightly sport according to sources. Engineers will be making several design enhancements to the device once focus group research is complete. Early complaints of splash back are being addressed along with reports of difficulty hearing the auto-play music track triggered when urine hits the receptacle. The stronger the stream, the louder the music plays.

Insiders also indicate that Apple tested many (i) names like, iFlow which was immediately rejected when mistaken for a woman's portable Tampon dispenser. More obvious names like, iDrain, iPiss, iWiz, and iTinkle were also unanimously rejected by Apple as juvenile.

The masculine iSquirt moniker stuck when one staffer demonstrated popping a small hole in a water balloon while squeezing firmly, the resulting power-squirt soaked several staffers, sealing the deal for Jobs. Reports of iSquirt launching in the U.S. are still unconfirmed, citing that self-conscious Americans would be uncomfortable with the practice of urinating (draining the main vein) in the middle of a busy street. 

Awesome iPhone Parody Video Spawns Motorhead Meets Creed Nightmare

I vomited in my mouth just minutes into the "Awesome iPhone" video when a howling butt rocker wearing a standard issue prison mustache shoved his iPhone against the wall, stroked it and then started tongue tickling it wildly until the Apps overloaded (at 1:51). I've never witnessed such a gargantuan level of gratuitous iPhone love expressed through bad heavy metal (and liked it). I thought someone mistakingly sent me an audition video for the new talent show "America Loves Gay Metal". Kill me now!

If Lemmy from Motorhead and Scott Stapp from Creed genetically birthed an evil spawn child, the result would definitely be this guy. If you have the stomach for minor male dude-ity, chest hair, iPhone licking, and random explosions, then this video is your holy grail. Thanks to Adam for sending an email bomb that made me want to be hosed down by a friggin hazmat team afterwards.

Did I mention it's also hillarious? Rock on broseph!    (video after the jump)

[via Heinous Records via  wickedceltics.com] 

iPhone 3G Stock Still Plentiful At 5th Avenue Apple Store With Massive Line

NEW YORK, NY - Now that iPhone 3G has been released for over a week, some cult of iPhone followers have become delusional thinking that they could casually waddle into Apple's flagship location on Fifth Avenue like a drunk Yoda without any waiting required. Wrong! (doofus alert in effect)

Apple faithful were met with shock and awe on July 18th to find over 150 people waiting in line under the blistering summer sun with well over four hour wait times in progress at 11 a.m. With so many locations across the country sold out on iPhone 3G, the Apple flagship store in Manhattan has become the last hope for desperate seekers. There's plenty of stock with a massive line to match. iPhone availability on the Apple website show all models currently in stock at the Fifth Avenue store but only 16GB White in stock at SoHo and West 14th Street.

Buying your iPhone one week after the official iPhone 3G launch still qualifies you as an early adopter. So be ready to hunker down, bear the heat and earn your right to join the cult with your down payment in sweat and time. It's well worth it at twice the current wait times.

UPDATE: Apple store 5th Avenue just confirmed via phone all models of iPhone are in stock as of 3:48 p.m. on Monday contrary to some reports.

[photos by Ed Yourdon]

AT&T Launches Another Fail On Free iPhone Wi-Fi Service

FAIL CITY, TEXAS - After launching it's fair share of snafus when attempting to offer iPhone users free Wi-Fi hotspot access, AT&T has managed to set course for yet another epic failure today by posting a page on it's website indicating; "AT&T knows Wi-Fi is hot, and free Wi-Fi even hotter, which is why we are proud to offer iPhone customers free access to the nation's largest Wi-Fi hotspot network." Not!

It turns out that the web page was simply another brilliant mistake confirmed by AT&T spokesman Seth Bloom. Bloom indicated that the service is coming but FAILED to commit to an official launch date after yanking the error down. Major websites who jumped on the bogus news quickly posted retractions experiencing their own fail. It's one more fatal trip around the lake on AT&T's tragic failboat of free Wi-Fi. All aboard!

[via MacDaily News via Ars Technica]

First Apple Store In China To Showcase iSling

BEIJING, CHINA - Photos of Apple's newest flagship store in Beijing have begun to surface in what is planned to be the first of many stores the company intends to open in China according to Ron Johnson, Apple's senior vice president of retail. The SanLiTun Village Apple store is scheduled to open on July 19 at 10 a.m. with throngs of Apple faithful, media and onlookers expected to pack into Apple's 219th retail store worldwide. Officials are warning anyone suffering from a rare anxiety disorder known as sardine syndrome, to avoid the Apple store during it's grand opening weekend.

   

Though the Chinese will not be able to get their hands on iPhone since talks with major mobile carriers are still pending, they will get to sample the wildly popular iSling, which has become one of the hottest cell phone accessories in China used for hands-free conversations on mobile devices. The Beijing Apple store will have the iSling on exclusive display during it's grand opening. Designer Fug Li will be on hand to answer questions and show off her line of the fashionable iSling in seven colors. Reports indicate that Chinese users will be able to get Apple's complete line of computers and iPods, including the iPod touch when the Beijing Apple store opens it's doors.

[Photos by Lori Chao]

Melon Heads In Brazil Claim iPhone 3G Unlock

SAO PAULO, BRAZIL - A random Brazilian company is claiming to be the first group of international tech nerds to unlock Apple's iPhone 3G, allowing iPhone users to connect to any carrier while wearing summer fruit hats. DesbloqueioBr, allegedly hacked the phone by altering its firmware with a special card add-on to the SIM chip as reported by The Sydney Morning Herald.

The melon men also revealed that there are some problems with the Brazilian fix. Breno MacMasi, one of the company's partners with Mac in his sir name, admitted that the quality of the connection for the iPhone can vary. Vary? Meaning from crap to crappier? That's no friggin good!

Hey everybody! We've come up with a sketchy way to unlock iPhone 3G and plan on charging the world between 250 and 375 dollars for our genius. Except the connection part of making calls sucks. Proud Brazilians owning half gimped, unlocked, fail phones have made one simple request of envious critics... Don't hate, Appreciate!

"Apple has made some big mistakes, so it's certain that we will be able to come up with another hack. It's going to be a game of cat-and-mouse," MacMasi said. If you're wondering who's the cat and who's the mouse in MacMasi's little mistake game, put some stinky cheese outside your door and then wait for the melon heads to show up. Cat's hate stinky cheese.

[via Sydney Morning Herald]    [iPhone 3G Jailbroken]

iPhone 3G Launch Day Wasn't Ruined For Thousands of Obsessed Canadians

TORONTO, CANADA - Cult of iPhone faithful in Toronto braved soggy weather with crowds camping out for over 16 hours in damp socks to gain access to Apple's iPhone 3G, currently the hottest cell phone on planet earth. The Ruined iPhone controversy did not detour thousands of pub loving Canadians from lining up like grade schoolers to be the first to extend a wealthy handshake to Rogers. Each one willing to sign up for a three year prison sentence by agreeing to pay excessive monthly data and service rates in exchange for that guaranteed cool factor only iPhone can offer. For this kind of blind obsession, Rogers was happy to roll out the red carpet.