Gizmodo Ruins New iPhone Launch for Everybody

The moment Gawker Media decided to pay a $5,000 ransom for Apple's kidnapped iPhone prototype to feature on Gizmodo.com, the summer blockbuster event that redefined the joy of summer since 2007 was instantly soiled for an entire planet of Apple faithful.

The element of surprise and childlike anticipation surrounding Apple's revolutionary iPhone launch has been stripped from our collective imaginations in a way that's certain to lower the bar for the entire gaggle of Apple news blogs that count on unconfirmed rumors and hyped-up maybes to keep our own brand of self-absorbed, happy horseshit worth smelling for another thankless year of willful poverty.

Uncovering real facts, along with serving up well produced photos and videos of the new iPhone instantly kills speculation and brings the churning rumor mill to a halt. So thanks for that Gizmodo.

Trying to convince anyone that this paid publicity stunt has driven independent tech blogging to a serious new low would be the equivalent of farting next to a waterfall. No one will ever hear it. It's a sad commentary on the medium and a tragic day for the legacy of iPhone, offering a tangible incentive for any douche who wants to profit off the misfortune of others.

Steve Jobs issued his own video statement (below) that accurately sums up the real gravity of such a deliberate act of fact finding. Most true iPhone fanatics know how painfully difficult it will be to emotionally recover by June when Apple's next-gen marvel is expected to make an official launch.

"I broke out with hives and began dry heaving the moment I saw that iPhone video leak," said San Francisco graphics designer Elam Nikserof. "Gizmodo took a hot steamy dump all over Apple's summer iPhone launch party for me. I feel like I just got a $5,000 involuntary fisting."

Brilliantly done Gizmotards! You've single-handedly sucked the fun out of summer.

Comments

[Partners in Grime]

No worries. Apple will still find a way to wow us.

[Antwoine]

I'm kinda glad the next gen iPhone was uncovered, because personally I don't like that flat back end of the prototype unit shown by Gizmodo.
So then hopefully Apple, especially Steve Jobs, is going to surprise us all (again) with new design to prove that the prototype is not the final design for mass production.
Or the worst can happen is Apple will stick to the original iPhone 3G/3GS curvy design, so yeah I agree with Ray Basile, thanks a lot Gizmotards..!

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[Ham]

Bull! who do you think your fooling, please.

[Maxattack]

I love all the iphone hype and rumors. It makes the real deal day so much more exciting. That's ruined for me 4 show.

[AllyRox]

I know this post has a satirical bend, but I agree with much of it. Paying for this kind of stuff from some doofus encourages worse to come. Making Gizmodo look like amateaur blog whores. So be it I guess.