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Elon Musk Takes Control of Twitter As 'Chief Twit'

Elon Musk Takes Twitter by Storm


Elon Musk has finally completed his $44-billion acquisition of Twitter and taken over as the company's 'Chief Twit', according to Musk's own legendary description in his Twitter profile. 

The first order of business for Musk was to fire Twitter Chief Executive Parag Agrawal, Chief Financial Officer Ned Segal and legal affairs and policy chief Vijaya Gadde, news confirmed by sources close to the mothership.

According to Bloomberg News, Musk will assume the role of chief executive officer at Twitter Inc. and begin to reverse lifetime bans on users. Longtime staffer Elam Nikserof, believes that "Elon Musk will be exactly the kind of fresh vision that Twitter needs to help clear out all the armchair zombies who take great pleasure in eating people's brains." 

The first tweet by Musk after his acquisition of Twitter was complete, heralded his vision for returning the social media giant to a bastion of "free speech" with a tweet that simply stated "the bird is freed". 

The Bird Is Free Tweet by Elon Musk

In a statement by Musk, the reason he bought the platform was to create “a common digital town square where a wide range of beliefs can be debated in a healthy manner, without resorting to violence.” He also said on Thursday he did not buy Twitter to make more money but "to try to help humanity, whom I love."

Make no mistake that the purchase of Twitter by Elon Musk will certainly be debated in a not so healthy manner by the ugly minority who will have to relinquish their canceling powers overnight. What happens next may shock the world, if that's still possible. Buckle up, because Twitter staff layoffs will rush in quickly like a flood.

Elon Musk Tweet Let The Good Times Roll


Illustration by Kroese '22

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